Humor Quotes · Page 332

Sit the comedy out, and that done, when the Play's at an end, let the Curtain fall down.

— Thomas Flatman

I don't sell myself. I've never explained my comedy to people who don't get it. Never complain. Never explain.

— Lisa Lampanelli

“You know how sometimes you see a really sexy baby? Wait that sounds fucked up.”

— John Green

“PRECOGNITION, TELEPATHY, BULLSHIT! EAT MY DONG, YOU EXTRASENSORY TURKEY!”

— Stephen King

“Oh, Anya! Let's have an intense spiritual relationship for no believable reason!”

— Vera Brosgol

A friend is like a good bra: close to your heart, hard to find, and supportive.

— Anonymous

The three ingredients of a successful union between two ... humor, commitment & undying love.

— Bill Cosby

“On Wall Street, the lawyers play the same role as medics in war: They come in after the shooting is over to…

— Michael Lewis

“Smacking his arm lightly, she leaned back. "And Adam is way nicer than his brother." "A rabid hyena is nicer than Andrew,"…

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

“Was she pregnant then?' asked Assad. Judging by the number of family members in his photos, it was a feminine condition with…

— Jussi Adler-Olsen

“Since I came to the White House, I've gotten two hearing aids, had a colon operation, a prostate operation, skin cancer, and…

— Ronald Reagan

“Roar's smile widened. "I know. You missed me." She rolled her eyes. "It's barely been three weeks since I last saw you."…

— Veronica Rossi

“Hey, Melissa-is there anything I should know about having this kid that isn't in the books I've been reading?" Sunlight streamed through…

— Kim Bongiorno

“She cried the first time she was pulled over by a cop. I explained to her that there is no reason to…

— Chelsea Handler

“Here is everything I know about France: Madeline and Amelie and Moulin Rouge. The Eiffel Tower and the Arc de Triomphe, although…

— Stephanie Perkins

As writers, we're always trying to connect with the audience on a visceral level. We usually do that through drama, through emotion…

— Rockne S. O'Bannon

“The lord giveth and most women piss it away. Perhaps this is why they lack the equipment to aim.”

— paula wall

If Rose's streak was still intact, with that single to left, the fans would be throwing babies out of the upper deck.

— Jerry Coleman

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

— Steven Wright

“It is not something we often find out; but most of the specially-gifted have a deep desire to be ordinary.”

— Janvier Chouteu-Chando

“My sex life is okay." "Yeah," Morelli said. "But sometimes it's fun to have a partner.”

— Janet Evanovich

“Winnie, don't you ever think you're selling yourself short?" "Nope. Never. I'm really good at picking quality dick.”

— Elizabeth Brown

Professional comedians, surprisingly, have a lack of humor. They're insensitive to the insanity of our times.

— Mort Sahl

There's something that's really fun about the challenge of making the mundane funny, too, I think.

— Jim Gaffigan

Comedy now is all about body shaming and delivering vulgar dialogues. There can't be another Manorama.

— Sowcar Janaki

The funniest thing about some people is that they have no sense of humor.

— Ashleigh Brilliant

“Don't be too funny, guys like funny but they don't want to marry a comedian, right? The guy is supposed to be…

— Lindsey Kelk

“Now there's a girl I don't want to mess with' — or at least, that's what I would think if I had…

— Nenia Campbell

Not a lot of people in comedy grew up together and have been friends for 25 years.

— Sal Vulcano

I saw a spider in my bathtub, so I got a piece of tissue and very carefully…burned the house down.

— Anonymous

One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move.…

— Rodney Dangerfield

“I, however did not like to run. Or, for that matter, engage in any kind of physical exertion.”

— John Green

All those I admired as a young performer had a calmness to their comedy.

— Ronnie Corbett

The fact of the matter is, you can't do comedy unless someone is behaving badly. Otherwise, it's not a comedy.

— Keegan-Michael Key

“Can't we do anything about it?" - "No!" - "Then I can't see the sense in panicking", said Twoflower calmly”

— Terry Pratchett

There's a hidden Goth in me: I have a dark sense of humour; I have a dark sense of fashion.

— Sonali Bendre

“Turns out that sometimes, faith and a sense of humor really can be all you need.”

— Amy Lane

A lot of people say that comedy doesn't travel well. I found it very accessible.

— Mark Addy

TEACHER: If you had five apples on your desk & the Boy next to you took three, what would you have?...STUDENT: A…

— Olubayo Adebiyi

I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted…

— Steven Wright