Humor Quotes · Page 331

“It’s going to be okay, Eric," Urte said, helping me sit up. I shook my head. "Lying is my forte, Urte, not…

— Shannon A. Thompson

“All of us are in the manufacturing industry - manufacturing either our own happiness or unhappiness.”

— Ogwo David Emenike

I parked in the tow-away zone, and when I got back, the entire neighborhood was gone.

— Steven Wright

For if you bake bread with indifference, you bake a bitter bread that feeds but half man's hunger.

— Anonymous

I have wanted to expand not only my comedy but also build a world with the many talented comedians I know.

— Nate Bargatze

I liked the humor of it, I've always enjoyed a sense of humor in God and in religion and in spirituality

— Amber Tamblyn

Inigo Montoya: He's right on top of us. I wonder if he is using the same wind we are using.

— William Goldman

You must be a special kind of stupid to think acting like a jerk is attractive to girls.

— Anonymous

“Six flights up I smelled it. Faint at first and then gradually stronger - the eye-watering stench of fermented sugar. I felt…

— Kelly Meding

“He had no intention of actually kissing her. Knowing Jenny, she probably put on arsenic tainted lipstick every morning. But she’d been…

— Anne Garboczi Evans

Art happens no hovel is safe from it, no Prince may depend upon it, the vastest intelligence cannot bring it about, and…

— James Whistler

I am against the war, but I do support our white troops. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm not a Republican. I'm…

— David Cross

“And there was this sweet-looking little old lady with her white hair in a bun and everything, the typical grandmother type, and…

— Vivian Vande Velde

I like to invest as a performer in the director's vision and then bring a sense of reality to whatever I'm doing,…

— Amy Seimetz

I can't claim to feel like I've been under some man's thumb in comedy. I've sort of always done my own thing…

— Samantha Bee

“When we entered a classroom we always tossed our caps on the floor, to free our hands; as soon as we crossed…

— Gustave Flaubert

I love Andre 3000 from OutKast. I think we'd complement each other, but I'm hoping he's got a good sense of humour.

— Paloma Faith

“When you look back on this moment months from now, don't forget the one word I'm about to say to you, Claire…

— Georgia Cates

“He couldn't concentrate on anything while her incredible bottom led him up those stairs like the Pied Piper of tempting asses.”

— Nina Bangs

The trick is always to write in pairs because if at least two people find it funny, you've immediately halved the odds…

— Steve Coogan

“Were it that intelligence, skill, or quality were prime determinants of success, I might have an easier time of it.”

— Forest F. White

“You don't find a masked man wielding a gun interesting? Tell me...what do you find interesting then-Matt Carter”

— Natasha Larry

“If I ever meet myself,' said Zaphod, 'I'll hit myself so hard I won't know what's hit me.”

— Douglas Adams

“Life is too short to give a fuck. Jump in the pool butt ass naked and do it up.”

— Clover Donovan

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences.

— Brian Kiley

“The ring was there to say they were a team, a reminder that they were in this together, almost like a private…

— K.A. Mitchell

I love everything about Boston. The women are phenomenal, they're all dirty. It's just a really great place to do comedy.

— Jim Norton

I come from a long ago era where men could be men and stereotypical humor didn't offend anybody.

— Rush Limbaugh

Don't get me wrong, I like to cuddle. But there is such a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so…

— Dave Attell

Long back, I did a television show 'Gharwali Uparwali,' and it was appreciated for its light-hearted humor.

— Mukul Dev

“So that’s why vampires are so pissed off all the time? Because their junk’s gone rusty?”

— S.L.J. Shortt

“It’s not the job of the child to make the parent happy. It’s the job of the parent to take care of…

— Art Hochberg

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between…

— Mark Twain

And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!

— Rodney Dangerfield

I believe that laughter is a language of God and that we can all live happily ever laughter.

— Yakov Smirnoff

“She was every inch the skeletal goddess that had been promised by the bones of her feet.”

— Jefferson Smith

“My intellect tells me "read between the lines.. No need to humor something that is what it is and is not what…

— Phil Thersby

I think because of the Internet I was able to study comedy from quite a young age and watch a lot of…

— Bo Burnham

Standup comedy is fun. I mean other than having to experience the excruciating lonlieness and unacknowledged sadness that results in funny.

— Dov Davidoff

You didn't find comedy in 'Magadheera.' Any film high on emotions doesn't need such elements.

— Ram Charan