“Marla said, "This isn't like when guys sit backward on the toilet and pretend it's a motorcycle. This is a genuine accident.” — Chuck Palahniuk Copy Share Image
“on a scale of mental breakdowns from Justin Bieber to Britney Spears, I think I’m about a Shia LaBeouf.” — Jill Shalvis Copy Share Image
You ever get a postcard, you get so excited you don't even read it! "Hey I got a - who cares." — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“He immediately went down with a thud and I was pretty certain most of the furniture in the room jumped when he… — Kristen Ashley Copy Share Image
There's got to be structure and great comedy. When you start with that, everything else falls into place. — Aries Spears Copy Share Image
You probably found 'How to Survive a Robot Uprising' in the humor section. Let's just hope that is where it belongs. — Daniel H. Wilson Copy Share Image
You would think doing comedy would be nerve wracking, but punting and kicking footballs gets me more nervous. — Pat McAfee Copy Share Image
“If you are toasting a toaster waffle, you can never be not toasting a toaster waffle” — Jacob Blumenstein Copy Share Image
“His Grace woke up in the morning red-eyed as a ferret and in roughly the same temper as a rabid badger. Had… — Diana Gabaldon Copy Share Image
Netflix did it right and focused on all the things that have replaced the dumb, raw numbers of the Nielsen world -… — Kevin Spacey Copy Share Image
I think art is beautiful. It's decoration and adornment. But art is also a really important vessel for social change, and social… — Chloe Wise Copy Share Image
“You see, a man's... ahem... is shaped differently from a woman's..." Mama fluttered her hand. "... whatsit. And in the marital bed,… — Tessa Dare Copy Share Image
Let me assure you that the humourless as a bunch don't just not know what's funny, they don't know what's serious. They… — Martin Amis Copy Share Image
It's amazing how these little guys can say things that a mortal human could never get away with. There's some sort of… — Jeff Dunham Copy Share Image
I will lift mine eyes unto the pills. Almost everyone takes them, from the humble aspirin to the multi-colored, king-sized three deckers,… — Malcolm Muggeridge Copy Share Image
“There were a lot of terms you had to learn, as opposed to the shylock business where all you had to know… — Elmore Leonard Copy Share Image
That's the staggering, humorous thing about money. If you haven't got taste, money doesn't matter: You'll always look ghastly. — Joanna Lumley Copy Share Image
The Seasons Difference is a suave and urbane comedy about several immense abstractions - faith, innocence, loneliness, and love. — Orville Prescott Copy Share Image
Whenever you get an inflamed tendon, you've got a problem. OK, here's the next pitch to Gene Tendon. — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
I can only write what makes me laugh, and what makes me laugh is the comedy I grew up on. — Brendan O'Carroll Copy Share Image
Im at the top of my game. And that game is Monopoly. Im standing on the board right now. — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“¿Me estás preguntando si me sale pelo en sitios donde antes no tenía? ¿O si me está saliendo rabo?” — José Antonio Cotrina Copy Share Image
As I mentioned we have arrested or detained over 1,000 people here in America to determine to find out what they know. — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Today's Father Day and we're giving you a tie, it's not much you know, it's just our way of showing you, you're… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
“Trust her; we girls are two sheets short of psycho when it comes to our special little time.” — Sandi Lynn Copy Share Image
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When audience expect only humorous roles from me, my roles will become cliche and predictable. — Biju Menon Copy Share Image
I was watching the Animal Planet. Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? Why don't they just call that… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
You don't need to curse and shout at them, instead insult them with your intelligence and sense of humor! — Glen Rambharack Copy Share Image
“It was a hot sticky night in Barcelona and all the good whores had the summer flu.” — Dan Jenkins Copy Share Image
If comedy can be both - silly and fun but also say something and start a dialogue - that's the most you… — Lauren Ash Copy Share Image
“This book is written with an open mind and it should be read with the same” — Adrian Sandvaer Copy Share Image
Humor, danger and a twisted tangle of unlikely prophecies make for a page-turning adventure. — Gail Z. Martin Copy Share Image
If somebody has no sense of humor, I think that's a great place to start for British comedy in terms of your… — Matt Berry Copy Share Image
The problem isn't that there's not enough women in panel games. The problem is there's not enough women in comedy in general. — Lee Mack Copy Share Image
I do think we need for a troop to be able to house his family. That's an important part of building morale… — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
“Life is a process during which one initially gets less and less dependent, independent, and then more and more dependent.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“Mornings and I had a falling out many years ago. We avoid one another as much as polite society dictates we may.” — Megan Derr Copy Share Image
Yeah, I definitely tend towards dry, sarcastic British humor. I actually aspire to be British - I'm pasty white as well. — Daryl Morey Copy Share Image
