Humor Quotes · Page 327

I have never believed much in luck, and my sense of humor has tended to walk on the dark side.

— Hunter S. Thompson

With comedy, I like to not rehearse and just have fun with it, because I think being spontaneous is the best thing…

— Diora Baird

Jesus!" Luke exclaimed. "Actually, it's just me," said Simon. "Although I've been told the resemblance is startling.

— Cassandra Clare

“Humans serve cats as dogs serve humans. And sometimes, I fear, as ineptly.”

— Jon Evans

“I swear to God, if GreatReads doesn't stop sending me these notification emails...how many times do I have to turn them off?”

— Melanie Marchande

“Pamela produced placid babies. "They don't tend to turn feral until they're two," she said.”

— Kate Atkinson

Comedy is very difficult. I love it because when you do it right, it's the best feeling in the world.

— Brandon Jay McLaren

“There are two kinds of people in this world who never learn: those who always talk, and those who never listen.”

— T.A. Uner

“A saying on an art piece prompted me to use the term seasoned citizen instead of senior citizen: 'I'm no longer a…

— Janis Clark Johnston

I'd previously done 'Expelled,' and that was more on the comedy side, so I really wanted to challenge myself and see if…

— Cameron Dallas

“Dennis faced him. They glared at each other again. Neither said a word until Dennis set the glasses down, leaned back against…

— Sloan Parker

I choose my actors well and get to know the quirks of their personalities - and, most of all, I share humor…

— George Cukor

Laughter serves as a blocking agent. Like a bullet-proof vest, it may help protect you against the ravages of negative emotions that…

— Norman Cousins

“Maggie had learned a long time ago that each day with a child was filled with two kinds of battles: those that…

— Sydney Strand

“The real purpose of the opposition is to minimize the amount of money the ruling party will have stolen from the people…

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“she was lying to him.” “But she is lying to him. You are lying to him aren't you?” Darren asked as he…

— Kaitlin Scott

To be in a video is a ridiculous thing. It's almost impossible to do it without any humour

— Richard Ayoade

I think I learned everything about comedy and timing and drama from watching 'The Muppet Show,' which was one of the best…

— Michael Giacchino

Some men are like musical glasses; to produce their finest tones you must keep them wet.

— Samuel Taylor Coleridge

I think you're born with a comedy gene, and you can't teach timing, and you can't teach satire, pathos.

— Brad Garrett

If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.

— Woody Allen

“Violet: "You're an asshole." Onyx: "Thank you, it's something that took an eternity to perfect.”

— Jessica Shirvington

“A brick and a blanket together create a blick. That’s it. That’s all I got.”

— Amy Riekhof

Humor was also a defense mechanism from getting picked on at school. If I could be funny maybe people wouldn't bother me.

— Pandora Boxx

“I do not do free e-books. I occasionally like to eat that thing you people call "food".”

— Carla H Krueger

“It is in the midst of laughter that our perspective alters and we realize this trying life can still be enjoyed.”

— Richelle E. Goodrich

The reason I'm not an alcoholic is I don't like to drink in front of the kids . . . and when…

— Phyllis Diller

“Husband?” “Aye. Husband.” “The slow-witted one that’s been following you? I thought he was your servant.”

— G.A. Aiken

Don't boo people! Don't boo! Be more specific! Like, 'WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?! I HATE THAT! I HATE IT!'

— Zach Galifianakis

You walk into the locker room, and you see players with their ripping muscles and stomachs you could wash your clothes in.

— Jerry Coleman

A teenager is someone who is well prepared for a zombie attack but not ready for tomorrows math test.

— Anonymous

Ladies: The sexiest thing you can do for your man is make him bacon naked.

— Ephrem Hardin

The people in my audiences are people who never go to comedy clubs. They've grown up with me. They come out to…

— Soupy Sales

“Your cooking reminds me of a Special Olympics race. Reminds me of the time I came in third place. I should have…

— Jarod Kintz

I started comedy as a hobby, really, and it still doesn't seem like a proper job.

— Sara Pascoe

The best comedy advice in the beginning of my career was get onstage every night, as many times as possible. It's the…

— Taylor Tomlinson

Find, if you can, in what you cannot change. Manners with fortunes, humours turn with climes, Tenets with books, and principles with…

— Alexander Pope

I consider myself a serious musician. Doing a comedy show does not take away from that in any way.

— Kevin Eubanks

Obama supporters are like christmas lights. They all hang out together, half of em don't work, and the ones that do work…

— Mario Tomasello

“Kissing's a lot like laughing. If the joke's funny, it doesn't matter how long it's been since you last heard one.”

— Maggie Stiefvater