Humor Quotes · Page 253

Do you ever do something, and then think to yourself: That's So Raven?

— Zach Galifianakis

“Men are so easy to manipulate, poor things.”

— Elizabeth Peters

I was a huge fan of Steve Martin, as everyone I knew in comedy was.

— Martin Short

Brains and a sense of humor trump everything else.

— Ryan Paevey

“That sense of humor come with the forces of darkness package?”

— Trish Millburn

“Comedians love people to point and laugh at them, naturists don't.”

— Roy Station

Treat me like a joke, & I will leave you like it's funny !!!

— Amber

I had AIDS, but I beat it with Advil.

— Jim Norton

“I’m coming, you impatient old coot! Keep your panties on!” -Skye yelling back to Hagan.”

— J.L. McCoy

When you are the lead in a romantic comedy, you have to worry about people really liking you.

— Morris Chestnut

“Y'know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations, like sitting on frozen peas after a vasectomy”

— Josh Stern

“If there's any better place to get stoned than a rolling box full of pastry, then they didn't have the keys for…

— Stephen Graham Jones

“Why is it that drama always starts late? Whereas comedy always seems to have started already.”

— César Aira

“Roger, he has a chain saw," I hissed. "I am not going to die in Kentucky!”

— Morgan Matson

Incredible to think isn't it, that every single Scotsman, started off as a scotch egg. Old and gingery.

— Milton Jones

Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno!

— Dave Attell

“They've been married for a little over a year, and they've withstood a lot together, with no signs of parting. They channel…

— Becca Ritchie & Kristia Ritchie

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is the most afraid of getting ruffied? It's like relax. YOU can take the…

— Natasha Leggero

I have often reflected within myself on this unaccountable humor in womankind of being smitten with everything that is showy and superficial,…

— Joseph Addison

“. . . Mrs. Lambchop sighed and shook her head. "You're at the office all day, having fun," she said. "You don't…

— Jeff Brown

“Gabrielle chuckled, her dark eyes twinkling. “So he’s been after you, has he? Poor Etta, pursued by a sun priest offering to…

— Michelle O'Leary

When I tried to branch out into comedy, I didn't do very well at it, so I went back to doing what…

— Sylvester Stallone

I went to a heavy metal concert. The singer yelled out, "How many of you people feel like human beings tonight?" And…

— Mitch Hedberg

Anybody with a good sense of humor is one-up on their competition. We respond to somebody who has the ability to make…

— Robert Orben

“My whole paycheck is going to Campbell’s. Thank you, Pepé Le Pew.”

— Cassie Mae

“It’s funny how undressed a smile can make you feel.”

— Elizabeth L. Silver

Hope for the best, survive the worst, find humor wherever you can.

— Anonymous

“You gotta be cool. That's all. Remain refrigerated.”

— Donn Pearce

“My father was a man, and I know the sex pretty well.”

— Elizabeth Gaskell

Comedy is my passion. I'm going to do this until I drop.

— Gabriel Iglesias

Internet Explorer: The best browser for downloading another browser.

— Anonymous

“I like stories more than I like books.”

— Tomás Magalhães

“I'll have you know Southern isn't a synonym for stupid.”

— Janice Lane Palko

“I'm at the corner of None of Your Business and Screw You.”

— Jeaniene Frost

“The wittiest authors raise the very slightest of smiles.”

— Friedrich Nietzsche

“I don't remember ever signing up for weird. It just sort of happened.”

— Justin Alcala

“Desire to be thin grows bigger and bigger. As does my appetite.”

— Rae Earl

“What do you call a rifle with three barrels? A trifle.”

— Joseph Rosenbloom

It seems that laughter needs an echo.

— Henri Bergson

All the fun's in how you say a thing

— Robert Frost