Robert Orben

Happiness is contagious. Be a carrier!!

— Robert Orben

President Ford used humor a great deal.

— Robert Orben

A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.

— Robert Orben

Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.

— Robert Orben

Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.

— Robert Orben

A compliment is verbal sunshine.

— Robert Orben

If you can laugh together, you can work together.

— Robert Orben

Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.

— Robert Orben

I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.

— Robert Orben

Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the…

— Robert Orben

I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!

— Robert Orben

We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it…

— Robert Orben

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.

— Robert Orben

Wait'll next year! is the favorite cry of baseball fans, football fans, hockey fans, and gardeners.

— Robert Orben

Wall Street is where prophets tell us what will happen and profits tell us what did happen.

— Robert Orben

You wouldn't want Alan Greenspan to write the instructions for assembling a beach chair.

— Robert Orben

Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we…

— Robert Orben

They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why…

— Robert Orben

Faith, indeed, has up to the present not been able to move real mountains… But it can put mountains where there are…

— Robert Orben

There are only two kinds of people in this world. The realists and the dreamers. The realists know where they are going…

— Robert Orben

Did you hear about the woman who sent out 40,000 Valentine Cards doused in perfume and signed, "Guess Who?" She's a divorce lawyer.

— Robert Orben

Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the…

— Robert Orben

Telling a joke is risk taking. Younger people are more insecure and not willing to put themselves on the line, so a…

— Robert Orben

I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already…

— Robert Orben

It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must…

— Robert Orben

Humor is a marvelous communications tool, as Reagan has demonstrated so well. He has weathered many a storm that others might not…

— Robert Orben

All that means is that something devastating can happen to you today or to your family & all you can do is…

— Robert Orben

Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.

— Robert Orben

Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'

— Robert Orben

To exercise is human; not to is divine.

— Robert Orben

A sigh is an amplifier for people who suffer in silence.

— Robert Orben

The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.

— Robert Orben

Individuality' is the key to success.

— Robert Orben

I value people with a conscience. It's like a beeper from God.

— Robert Orben

A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.

— Robert Orben

Do your kids a favor - don't have any.

— Robert Orben

Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?

— Robert Orben

To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

— Robert Orben

Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet.

— Robert Orben

Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.

— Robert Orben