Robert Orben

President Ford used humor a great deal.

— Robert Orben

A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.

— Robert Orben

Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.

— Robert Orben

Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.

— Robert Orben

A compliment is verbal sunshine.

— Robert Orben

Happiness is contagious. Be a carrier!!

— Robert Orben

The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.

— Robert Orben

Individuality' is the key to success.

— Robert Orben

Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American…

— Robert Orben

“I take my children everywhere. Unfortunately, they find a way home.”

— Robert Orben

“Most people want to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.”

— Robert Orben

Thanks to modern medicine we are no longer forced to endure prolonged pain, disease, discomfort and wealth.

— Robert Orben

There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it…

— Robert Orben

Nowadays, you cannot be a very Effective political figure without Having a demonstrable sense of humor. People take to it.

— Robert Orben

What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?

— Robert Orben

There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.

— Robert Orben

I'd like to say a few words about one of the most popular concepts in the modern education--show and tell. Show and…

— Robert Orben

I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is…

— Robert Orben

It's mandatory in this day and age to be considered to have a sense of humor and to demonstrate it. You're not…

— Robert Orben

Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten…

— Robert Orben

Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave…

— Robert Orben

Humor gives presidents the chance to be seen as warm, relaxed persons. Humor reaches out and puts its arm around the listener…

— Robert Orben

Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the…

— Robert Orben

Telling a joke is risk taking. Younger people are more insecure and not willing to put themselves on the line, so a…

— Robert Orben

Humor is a marvelous communications tool, as Reagan has demonstrated so well. He has weathered many a storm that others might not…

— Robert Orben

All that means is that something devastating can happen to you today or to your family & all you can do is…

— Robert Orben

It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must…

— Robert Orben

A sigh is an amplifier for people who suffer in silence.

— Robert Orben

I value people with a conscience. It's like a beeper from God.

— Robert Orben

A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.

— Robert Orben

Do your kids a favor - don't have any.

— Robert Orben

Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'

— Robert Orben

To exercise is human; not to is divine.

— Robert Orben

Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.

— Robert Orben

If you can laugh together, you can work together.

— Robert Orben

Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.

— Robert Orben

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I…

— Robert Orben

The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.

— Robert Orben

They're combining that new fertility drug with a birth control pill for people who don't want triplets.

— Robert Orben

Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.

— Robert Orben