Humor Quotes · Page 144

I pray to the shrine of 'Mr. Show.' It saved sketch comedy.

— Michael McKean

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

— Steven Wright

Carry laughter with you wherever you go.

— Hugh Sidey

I was never really comfortable doing comedy.

— Ricky Schroder

“You can quote me, but I'll tell everyone that you're lying.”

— Jael Turner

“Goodness had nothing to do with it.”

— Mae West

“My undercarriage is a national treasure.”

— Gina Damico

SNL' is pretty much what fully got me into comedy.

— Quinta Brunson

Comedy is a place where you can tell all the truths, where you can tell your truth.

— Simon Amstell

“Say what you want about fairies, but you haven't rocked out until you've heard Smoke on the Water played on a harpsichord.…

— Red Tash

Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in the way that they are looking forward to it.

— Anonymous

“Hypothermia. That’s what they called it. I called it being freaking alive, and I couldn’t have been more grateful.”

— Darynda Jones

You can't fake comedy - it's not like a movie, where a director can just cast a pretty face.

— Chris Rock

“You know what they say,' Suz had texted. 'Once you go geek, you never go back.”

— Linda Morris

“The abbot cleared his throat. "You are all very stupid people," he told them graciously, "and you do not know anything at…

— Neil Gaiman

Making people laugh is magic. I feel like if you have humility, then you can do anything in comedy.

— Amanda Seyfried

I think I always wanna write comedy because that's what feels truest to me; it feels closest to life as I know…

— Owen King

Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing. We set no styles, no standards. We're reflections. It's a distorted mirror in the fun…

— Alan King

“Susie: Hi Calvin! Aren't you excited about going to school? Look at all these great school supplies I got! I love having…

— Bill Watterson

“Oliver opened the door of the carriage and found his puppets huddled together on the bench. He gestured for them to come…

— Zeinab Alayan

Canada, as you know, is a major important nation boasting a sophisticated, cosmopolitan culture that was tragically destroyed last week by beavers.

— Dave Barry

“Briec removed his clothes and slipped into bed with her, wrapping his arms around her waist and snuggling her from behind. “Izzy?”…

— G.A. Aiken

“Jody screamed at him: a high, explosive, unintelligible expulsion of pure inhuman frustration--a Hendrix high note sampled and sung by a billion…

— Christopher Moore

I don't need a receipt for a doughnut. I'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut. End of…

— Mitch Hedberg

“If bliss are a type of potato, then ignorance can be french-fried”

— josh stern

“... Play the age as comedy if you want to get away with murder.”

— James Agee

If you want to be witty, say what you think at all times

— Oscar Wilde

Life is neither comedy or tragedy, life is what you make of it.

— Radha Mitchell

“This life’s hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid.”

— George V. Higgins

“I remind you that I have no faith. If I sought God, I find myself.”

— Henry de Montherlant

Life is a bitch, then you marry one.

— Anonymous

I got into comedy so I could stay out all night.

— Artie Lange

“I’ll show you a fag, you little bitch. I’ll fuck-start your head!”

— C.J. Roberts

A sense of humor can make someone more attractive.

— Anonymous

“I’m not bipolar, I’ve just had a bipolar life foisted upon me.”

— Daniel O'Malley

Kim's [Kardashian] just a funny person in general.

— Kanye West

“To call it helmet hair was an insult to my helmet.”

— Jessica Fortunato

“For large values of 1, 1 approaches 2, for small values of 2.”

— Keith Caserta

“You ought to sue that son of a whore”

— Stephen King

“Graveyards were the one place Belladonna never saw ghosts.”

— Helen Stringer