Humor Quotes · Page 145

“Anything not worth doing is worth not doing well. Think about it.”

— Elias Schwartz

“I kind of think that everyone who disagrees with me is wrong.”

— John Green

I put hardwood floors on top of wall-to-wall carpet.

— Steven Wright

Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation.

— Jimmy Carr

“I’m too big of a fan of sin and debauchery to be a Christian.”

— J.C. Wickhart

Comedy is only as stupid as you are smart.

— Brian Celio

Improvisation is just writing in front of an audience.

— Carl Reiner

I was open to anything, but comedy was what I really loved.

— Sam Lloyd

“I listened in on a KKK rally but all I could hear was a bunch of white noise.”

— Rick Silber

The best kinds of laughter: 1) Laughing so hard that your laugh becomes silent. 2) Feeling a 6 pack coming. 3) Tears in your eyes.

— Enhance Dreams

Don't you think its quite weird for Prince Harry, getting really stoned and seeing your grans face appearing on your money.

— Frankie Boyle

I was going to get my teeth whitened, but I said, "I'll just get a tan instead."

— Mitch Hedberg

The principles of comedy are the principles of comedy. I can hear funny.

— Stephan Pastis

Comedy has always been important in my family. If you got in a good joke at the dinner table, it meant more…

— Isla Fisher

“After we deal and heal...NOT A A SHRED OF EVIDENCE EXISTS THAT LIFE IS SERIOUS …Jan Marshall”

— Jan Marshall

We've got stained glass windows in our house; it's those damned pigeons.

— Chic Murray

So welcome 'Damsels in Distress,' an exhilarating gift of a comedy about college, the female intellect, the limitless male ego, inventing a…

— Peter Travers

Comedy, not screaming at someone, can make someone lift their legs higher. There is a way to do a push-up and a…

— Richard Simmons

“I'm sorry but I don't need saving. Maybe pour all that energy into a worthy cause, like saving the whales, or the…

— Jayde Scott

Humor can help you to disagree without being disagreeable. The key in democracy is not necessarily that we agree, but that we…

— Gerald R. Ford

“ Alexander Hamilton Junior High School -- SEMESTER REPORT -- STUDENT: Joseph Margolis TEACHER: Janet Hicks ENGLISH: A, ARITHMETIC: A, SOCIAL STUDIES:…

— Steve Kluger

“Q: You'er presented with a smooth-faced, eight-foot-high wooden wall. Your objective? Get over it. To, like, save comrades or something. How to…

— James Patterson

Single is not a status. It is a word that best describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy…

— Ash Sweeney

“She's Magnificent," Darius said, smiling proudly as he vaulted the steps and followed Aphrodite. "I can think of a lot of m…

— P.C. Cast

“ I wax poetic On the beauty of sewers Real short poem. Done ”

— Rick Riordan

“Failure is just success rounded down, my friend!”

— Ryan North

I graduated from Improv Olympic. I used to do standup comedy.

— Redfoo

Shared laughter creates a bond of friendship.

— Lee Grant

“I'd hate to be a balding man named Harry Harrison.”

— Judy Baer

I feel like the luckiest person in comedy.

— Rosie Jones

I like funny things, but I don't find myself particularly funny.

— Chris Messina

Women are like fingers and toes because they're easy to count on.

— Bo Burnham

“Love has a way of making the sane insane and the insane normal.”

— Shannon L. Alder

Nothing like a little chest pain to restore your faith.

— Ray Romano

“To love is easy, to be in a relationship is extremely difficult.”

— Santosh Kalwar

I've done comedy on stage, in fact it is one of my strong points.

— Neeraj Kabi

“It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate.”

— Andrea Hurst

“I'm very much afraid I didn't mean anything but nonsense.”

— Lewis Carroll

By my rambling digressions I perceive myself to be growing old.

— Benjamin Franklin

Doing a format parody is one of my favorite things to do in comedy.

— Adam Conover