Humor Quotes · Page 119

“Her bun was baking, but her bloody heart was breaking.”

— Erin McCarthy

Before Hum Tum,' I had never done comedy. I was scared.

— Kirron Kher

“Humor is just Schadenfreude with a clear conscience”

— Nietzsche

“I don't have a hot date. I don't even have a lukewarm date.”

— Sarah Morgan

“If you are too lazy to plow, don't expect a harvest. .”

— Proverbs 20:4

“Don't take life seriously, you'll never get out of it alive.”

— Albert Hubbard

I guess sometimes God just needs to laugh

— Zach Braff

“Entertainment is business: the business of fucking art in the face.”

— Eugene Mirman

“I didn't want to be DRUNK. IN. PUBLIC. I wanted to be drunk in a BAR. I was THROWN. into. public.”

— Ron White

I spend about 75% of my time at the gym finding the right song for my workout.

— Anonymous

“If I must consort with rogues [...] I own I like them to be in the grand manner.”

— Georgette Heyer

I find life a mix of humor and pathos, and all my books reflect that to one degree or another.

— Elizabeth Berg

“Hey, Trash, what did old lady Semple say when you torched her pension check?”

— Stephen King

If you do not find me funny, that is your problem and I am not going away.

— Greg Proops

“Hardship bred a bitter, quickfire humour and resilience to all but the most terminal of life's tragedies.”

— Ian Rankin

“Instead of heading for a big mental breakdown, I decided to have a small breakdown every Tuesday evening.”

— Graham Parke

“The next visit I paid to Nancy Brown was in the second week in March: for, though I had many spare minutes…

— Anne Brontë

“If you are a girl, I don't think you should necessarily become a lesbian, although if the idea appeals to you, I…

— Suzanne Finnamore

“Cracking his knuckles, Cary dramatically prepared to open his fortune cookie. “Let’s see. Will I be rich? Famous? About to meet Mr.…

— Sylvia Day

“There were upsides to the whole mess. While Douglas was holding me hostage, I’d met a girl—I mean, screw dating websites and…

— Lish McBride

No humorist is under any obligation to provide answers and probably if you were to delve into the literary history of humour…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Humor is the hardest thing to do. Action is so much easier, because you're just trying to establish the mood, and a…

— Genndy Tartakovsky

“New Rule: Now that liberals have taken back the word "liberal," they also have to take back the word "elite." By now…

— Bill Maher

I'm beginning to feel that the real endangered species on planet earth are not the whales and the elephants but those of…

— Rita Mae Brown

The things that matter most are not things.

— Art Buchwald

Knowing comedy is knowing human nature.

— Patton Oswalt

I don't hold any candle for drama versus comedy.

— Jo Brand

“If dreams can't come true, then why not pretend?”

— Patrick McHale

A dimwit thinks nothing is funny unless it's mean.

— Stephen King

“Every day, each day is the most important day of your life.”

— Art Hochberg

Obviously the only rational solution to your problem is suicide.

— Anonymous

I'm just a comedian. That's all I am. If you find me funny, good.

— Alan Carr

Roy Hibbert thinks it's funny to mess with me.

— Larry Nance, Jr

I tried to throw a yo-yo away. It was impossible.

— Mitch Hedberg

“The sun will always rise, but we may never know”

— Aprl Ray

Flying is learning to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

— Douglas Adams

“I'm not bitter, just not stirred well!”

— Vaibhav Wadhwa

Every time I make a plan, God laughs at me.

— Jason Isaacs

Let there be more joy and laughter in your living.

— Eileen Caddy

We interrupt this relationship to bring you football season.

— Anonymous