When I read the 'Ugly Betty' pilot, I thought, 'Oh, this part's funny.' I said to my husband, 'I'm going to get… — Becki Newton Copy Share Image
He [Chris Martin] can't have background music on. It has to be 100 percent of his attention. But if he isn't at… — Gwyneth Paltrow Copy Share Image
31ST OR 1ST APRIL DOESNT MATTER.. FOOL IS ALWAYS A FOOL,WISHIN U A VERY HAPPY N PROSPEROUS FOOLS DAY.. TO THE KING… — Hafsa Copy Share Image
A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I was determined to make a movie - about families and a love story - that black women would be proud to… — Salim Akil Copy Share Image
My horse's jockey was hitting the horse. The horse turns around and says "Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
“We made love like a half a minute. I brought the thirty seconds, and she provided the excuse as to why she… — Dark Jar Tin Zoo Copy Share Image
The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
“The problem with our society is that our values aren’t in the right place. There’s an awful lot of bleeding and naked… — Bauvard Copy Share Image
“You are my flesh and blood and I have always doted on you, but right now I would have to say you… — Mary Balogh Copy Share Image
This (French-Kissing) is a really sexy thing to do, according to the French people, although you should bear in mind that they… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian. — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
“You're Nash's brother. And a grim reaper?" She blinked again, and I readied myself for hysterics, or fear, or laughter. But knowing… — Rachel Vincent Copy Share Image
Men go back to the mountains, as they go back to sailing ships at sea, because in the mountains and on the… — Henry David Thoreau Copy Share Image
I actually was class clown, but I don't know how that happened because I've never been considered an outwardly funny person. — Janeane Garofalo Copy Share Image
Things that go on at Happy Times are very funny this year, and if you were watching last year, some of the… — Ellen Muth Copy Share Image
“What had been so funny? But you can never remember what you were laughing about, and even if you could, it seems… — Rufi Thorpe Copy Share Image
It should feel genuinely good to earn income from your blog - you should be driven by a healthy ambition to succeed.… — Steve Pavlina Copy Share Image
May those who love us love us, and those who do not love us, may God turn their hearts, and if He… — Irish Prayer Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when you realize you're walking in the wrong direction, so you hit your pocket pretending you forgot something.. :D — Anonymous Copy Share Image
TEACHER: What is the different between problem and challenge???? STUDENT:3boys+1girl=problem 1boy+3girls=challenge.. — Azgraybebly Josland Copy Share Image
I moved to New York and went to a performing arts college, but it wasn't until UCB that I started performing on… — Nicole Byer Copy Share Image
I'd like to do a reality show with four white people...who are dropped off in a really bad black neighborhood. And the… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I never aim to be funny. I'm always just focused on telling the story authentically, and if that affects people sometimes through… — Da'Vine Joy Randolph Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You looked like you, but you also looked like a mannequin. And I looked like me,… — Dark Jar Tin Zoo Copy Share Image
A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ. Here's how it works: if you… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There are some remarkable parallels between basketball and politics. Michael Jordan has already mastered the skill most needed for political success: how… — Margaret Thatcher Copy Share Image
“I still didn’t know quite what the witches were capable of. The threshold could be booby-trapped or enchanted. I could be walking… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“I have always tried to use humor to "help ever" and "hurt never," for I find that to laugh is like swallowing… — David Cross Copy Share Image
An error can never become true however many times you repeat it. The truth can never be wrong, even if no one… — Mahatma Gandhi Copy Share Image
“Life is a funny, funny thing. Not the ‘ha-ha’ kind of funny, but an odd kind of funny. The kind of funny… — Leigh Hershkovich Copy Share Image
There's never any graffiti in the hotel. Although in the Gents a couple of weeks ago I did see someone had drawn… — Steve Coogan Copy Share Image
My eyes are different sizes, my nose is too broad at the bridge and squishes up when I laugh, and my lips… — Terry Farrell Copy Share Image
“Zoe, I-- Oh, God!" he shouted, clutching his chest and stumbling back. "What?" she asked, looking around anxiously as she clutched a… — R.L. Mathewson Copy Share Image
I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material.… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
“There are so many other fun ways to dishonor the family name that buying girls’ underwear shouldn’t be one of them.” — Rin Chupeco Copy Share Image
Height is a funny thing in tennis because it definitely helps the serve, but it can hinder agility and movement. I think… — Kevin Anderson Copy Share Image
Comedy is ridiculously hard. And if the rhythm is not right, if the music or the line is not right, it's not… — Julianne Moore Copy Share Image
I feel like anyone who's ever wanted to be a performer went through this phase, where you thought that being funny equaled… — Edi Patterson Copy Share Image
Mr. Gorbachev has apparently stumbled onto one of the best-kept secrets in recent Soviet history: Communism doesn't work. — Frank Zappa Copy Share Image
![“He [Chris Martin] can't have background music on. It has to be 100 percent of his attention. But if he isn't at home, I turn on the hip-hop. I'm like a bad mutha rapping along to every word as I cook.” quote by Gwyneth Paltrow](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/69e/gwyneth-paltrow-1230_attention_he-chris-martin-can-t-have-background-mu_1695027.jpg)
