The only way I could get my old CD into stores is if I took one in and leave it. "Sir, you… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“He laughed. "That's funny, 'I don't have any fire.' Everybody's got fire, kiddo. It's just a matter of finding the match that… — Charles R. Smith Jr Copy Share Image
“My only relationship policy is, don’t bring your dirty laundry to work, no sex on company furniture and don’t let it affect… — Paula Graves Copy Share Image
LAziness is thE m0ther 0f aLl bad habits,. aNd sincE sHe is the m0ther,. we Have n0 choicE buT t0 respEct and… — Megz Copy Share Image
Then Job fell to his knees and cried to the Lord, "Thine is the kingdom and the power and glory. Thou hast… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
When I say, I'm serious, I'm dead serious. It's a signal that I don't do games anymore. But when I'm crazy, I'm… — Katie Grabil Copy Share Image
When I started driving our old four-door green DeSoto, I always took Skip on my trips around town. I would get Skip… — Willie Morris Copy Share Image
I comment on my friends' things; whatever they post, I post funny posts. I don't post anything that's too sad or mad,… — GloZell Copy Share Image
When I first started doing press interviews, the big question was, 'Do you think women are funny?' People would ask you that… — Matt Walsh Copy Share Image
I look forward to the invention of faster-than-light travel. What I'm not looking forward to is the long wait in the dark… — Marc Beland Copy Share Image
Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
This is going to sound really funny. I have a poster of Zac Efron on my wall! I think every girl has… — Vanessa Hudgens Copy Share Image
It's funny, when guests come over to the house, they want to see my gold medal first and my U.S. Open trophy… — Justin Rose Copy Share Image
Pretty friend: I just got 100 likes on my photo ! athletic friend: I just beat everyone in the school at running… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I was first in Sydney in 1993, and have been a few times since then. For someone who didn't know Australia, it… — Colm Toibin Copy Share Image
“There was talk of the Centaur being moved into the elephant cages to make room for a banjo-picking Minotaur. Surrendering his meager… — Don Roff Copy Share Image
Whenever I wanna fall in love with my books.My bed fall in love with me & I always respect the one who… — Abhishek Tiwari Copy Share Image
Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I mean, autographs are so funny. I don't think it's good to encourage that sort of thing. Why do people want to… — Hope Sandoval Copy Share Image
There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world. — Jean Baudrillard Copy Share Image
Some of my fans don't really like it when I respond to people who say things that are trying to be hurtful… — Rickie Fowler Copy Share Image
I look for ghosts; but none will force Their way to me. 'Tis falsely said That there was ever intercourse Between the… — William Wordsworth Copy Share Image
On the most Scottish thing he'd ever seen: I was going through a town called Bathgate at around 11 o'clock at night.… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Nevada has a very dynamic economy, with gambling being the number-one industry, followed closely by blood donorship. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
That's the funny thing - if there was a year and half or two years of us being a band like every… — Ryan Ross Copy Share Image
I met the girl who works at the Doubletree front desk, she gave me her number. It's ZERO. I tried to call… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I was haunted by trainers going "Up, up, up, get up." You find yourself picking your head up and then realizing, They… — Jeff Daniels Copy Share Image
“Could I pick some flowers for Miranda?’ I asked. ‘You cannot take these flowers,’ said Zoran. ‘They belong to the government.” — Doug MacLeod Copy Share Image
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Sometimes I even feel funny to say I'm in a biracial marriage because people are like, 'Oh, he's Asian?' The subtext is,… — Diane Farr Copy Share Image
When you wake up one day and say, "You know what? I don't think I ever need to sleep or have sex… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled… — E. W. Howe Copy Share Image
I rushed my dog to the vet because he was foaming at the mouth. I returned home with a bill for $200… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Things shall fall into its perfect place, in the perfect time, at a perfect setting that you will always be able to… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“It’s a training camp,” Leo realized. He looked at Aphros in awe. “You train heroes, the same way Chiron does?” Aphros nodded,… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
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MARRIAGE, Is much like a pair of shears, so joined so the parts cannot be separated, often moving in opposite directions, yet… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
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![“I think he [Archie Bunker] is in every man my age, no matter what he does, whether he's a vice president at Chase or a cab driver.” quote by Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/e94/anonymous-1_age_i-think-he-archie-bunker-is-in-every-man_1707225.jpg)
