That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I don't always tweet when I'm drunk, but when I do, it's when I'm visiting my family. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When a woman agrees to give her husband head for no reason --- there is a reason. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE LICENSE, is the only permit taken out after the hunt is over — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Twitter: Where people bitch for everyone's attention and validation from strangers. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You are loving... when your own pain does not blind you to the pain of others. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back, unless your tears smell like dog food. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
For all my haters, I just want you to know that there's no medicine for insecurities so better commit suicide! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I like the face a girl makes, when another girl she hates shows up on her Twitter timeline. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, You're going to have trouble with it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
MARRIED LIFE, is like the pleasure experienced when getting into a warm bath -- after a while it's not so hot — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
In some countries being president is just an honorary position --like being a husband in Hollywood. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Abortion It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you bleach your asshole and add ammonia... would you fart Mustard Gas? ' Asking for a Friend — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Woman Law: My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
WOMAN, LIBERATED, a female who has sex before marriage and a job after. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Lipstick (lip*stik) n. -- On your lips, color to enhance your beauty. On his collar, color only a tramp would wear! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
LOVE LETTERS, correspondence that should always bear the salutation: My Dearest, and Gentlemen of the Jury; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Now, Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My girlfriend said, I hate it when you finish my sentences. So I said, Period. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I look at her boobs, and she looks at my dick, and that's when I realize the best things in life are… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Let him open your mind before he opens your Legs. The bond usually lasts longer. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends Over And over again that you love them. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Bingo! I love that game, but I can't remember what to say when you win. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you had sex 365 times in 12 months and melted down the rubbers to make a tire, what would you have??… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, SUCCESSFUL, one in which a woman gives the best years of her life to the man that made them so; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Gasp Reflex : The reaction of a new father when he sees the new mother's breasts. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The blonde cowboy put glue on his six-shooters so he would always stick to his guns. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Looking at all the chances I was too afraid to take and the people I was too scared to admit my feelings… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I have an impersonal trainer. We meet at the gym, we dont talk, he works out alone, and I go home. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
BLOODY HELL FUCKING SHIT GOD DAMNIT I RIPPED MY KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON POSTER! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A dentist and a manicurist married. .. . . They fought tooth and nail. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I just need a search engine that'll remember exactly what I was about to Google when I forget. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, An investment that pays big dividends if you manage to keep up the interest. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sometimes I look at my awesome twitter followers & think to myself, What the hell would I do without them :) — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
I won't be tweeting this sunday. I have better things to do like bashing myself by following girls on streets. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
Men and women shop differently. Men know what they want before they see it. Women don't know what they want until they see it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
I used to receive virtual smiles, sweet morning and night greetings. Now all I have is silence, and a blistered heart. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
Do girls really look at penises and say Wow, I can't wait to put that in my mouth? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
