Quote by Jarod Kintz

“I was hot so I gave myself a haircut. I then saw a bald man sweating, so I offered to tweeze his eyebrows. He…

— Jarod Kintz

“I don’t just have one mustache, I have two. You can hardly notice them, though, because I wear them in place of my eyebrows,…

— Jarod Kintz

“I shaved my mustache off the asphalt, like a tire’s skid mark, looped it around itself, and rode it like a unicycle.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Two mustaches walk into a bar, and the bartender said, “Can I get you a drink?” Both mustaches turned towards each other but said…

— Jarod Kintz

“I didn’t have time to grow out a mustache, so I wore a squirrel to the party. Women looked at me like they knew…

— Jarod Kintz

“I have half a mustache. It was a gift from my father, who bought one with a Buy One Mustache, Get One Half Off…

— Jarod Kintz

“When I couldn’t grow a full beard I took it as a sign from God to grow a mustache instead.”

— Jarod Kintz

What are you doing in there, waxing your mustache?” Iggy yelled, pounding on the bathroom door. I yanked the door open and pushed him…

— James Patterson

“Right now I have a milk mustache. I grew it on a cattle ranch, and then glued it to my face.”

— Jarod Kintz

“My new mustache is barely big enough to cover my pubic region.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I shaved my lady mustache (ladystache) off with my roommate's gay razor (it's a gay razor because it's his razor and he's gay) and…

— Lauren Weedman

“We can’t be lovers because we both have mustaches. But since you’re a lady, and I’m a gentleman, I’ll shave mine off.”

— Jarod Kintz