Quote by Jarod Kintz

“Mustaches are so cool that I not only have one—I have two. I wear both of mine above my eyes.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I have half a mustache. It was a gift from my father, who bought one with a Buy One Mustache, Get One Half Off…

— Jarod Kintz

“I was hot so I gave myself a haircut. I then saw a bald man sweating, so I offered to tweeze his eyebrows. He…

— Jarod Kintz

“That being said, I will throw on the occasional false mustache.”

— It Books

“I have two mustaches, one over each eye. They smell like tits and ass, because that’s all I enjoy drinking.”

— Jarod Kintz

“People call me “Mustache,” because I have an eyebrow on my upper lip. When I close my lips it’s like a wink and a…

— Jarod Kintz

“Right now I have a milk mustache. I grew it on a cattle ranch, and then glued it to my face.”

— Jarod Kintz

“My new mustache is barely big enough to cover my pubic region.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Mustaches are not only fashion statements, but they’re useful for tickling vaginas.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I just bought an extra large mustache, to wear as a toupee.”

— Jarod Kintz

“He sneers so regularly that I suspect he shaves his mustache only to spare his nose the whisker burn.”

— Meredith Duran

“My facial hair is imperative. I put the must in mustache.”

— Jarod Kintz