Sarcastic Quotes

891 Sarcastic quotes by 449 unique authors

I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed! — William Shakespeare
Women like a man with a past, but they prefer a man with a present — Mae West
It's never just a game when you're winning. — George Carlin
Many wealthy people are little more than janitors of their possessions. — Frank Lloyd Wright
Making others happy, through kindness of speech and sincerity of right advice, is a sign of true greatness. To hurt another soul by sarcastic words,… — Paramahansa Yogananda
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? — George Carlin
Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist. — George Carlin
I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own… — George Carlin
Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers. — George Carlin
Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. — George Carlin
Men are my hobby, if I ever got married I'd have to give it up. — Mae West
Good women are no fun... The only good woman I can recall in history was Betsy Ross. And all she ever made was a flag. — Mae West
A good motto to live by: "Always try not to get killed. — George Carlin
A modest little person, with much to be modest about. — Winston Churchill
Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers? — George Carlin
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. — Steven Wright
We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. — George Carlin
I think I am, therefore, I am... I think. — George Carlin
If you are patient...and wait long enough...Nothing will happen — Jim Davis
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I… — Mark Twain
You are never too old to become younger! — Mae West
Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. — George Carlin
I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. — Matt Groening
If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff? — George Carlin
The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend. — George Carlin

Who Wrote These Sarcastic Quotes

449 authors contributed a total of 891 Sarcastic Quotes, led by these top contributors: