Sarcastic Quotes

891 Sarcastic quotes by 449 unique authors

I don't mind going back to daylight saving time. With inflation, the hour will be the only thing I've saved all year. — Victor Borge
The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer. — Victor Borge
He was happily married - but his wife wasn't. — Victor Borge
We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming. — Wernher von Braun
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. — A. Whitney Brown
I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me. — Warren Buffett
You can fool some of the people all the time, and those are the ones you want to concentrate on. — George W. Bush
A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it. — George W. Bush
Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them. — Samuel Butler
Neither irony or sarcasm is argument. — Samuel Butler
All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income. — Samuel Butler
Weather forecast for tonight: dark. — George Carlin
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? — George Carlin
Abstract art: a product of the untalented sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered. — Al Capp
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar. — Drew Carey
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. — George Carlin
'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence? — George Carlin
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. — George Carlin
Electricity is really just organized lightning. — George Carlin
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. — George Carlin
Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. — George Carlin
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. — George Carlin
If you are ever in doubt as to whether to kiss a pretty girl, always give her the benefit of the doubt. — Thomas Carlyle
Sarcasm I now see to be, in general, the language of the devil; for which reason I have long since as good as renounced it. — Thomas Carlyle
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. — Johnny Carson

Who Wrote These Sarcastic Quotes

449 authors contributed a total of 891 Sarcastic Quotes, led by these top contributors: