Sarcastic Quotes

891 Sarcastic quotes by 449 unique authors

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. — Fred Allen
What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement. — Fred Allen
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. — Fred Allen
I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. — Winston Churchill
You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else. — Winston Churchill
A joke is a very serious thing. — Winston Churchill
I am easily satisfied with the very best. — Winston Churchill
Everyone has his day and some days last longer than others. — Winston Churchill
It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried. — Winston Churchill
A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him. — Winston Churchill
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. — Woody Allen
I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse. — Woody Allen
As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. — Woody Allen
In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows. — Woody Allen
You don't have to be the Dalai Lama to tell people that life's about change. — John Cleese
I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me. — John Cleese
The English contribution to world cuisine - the chip. — John Cleese
If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle. — Hillary Clinton
It is great to be a blonde. With low expectations it's very easy to surprise people. — Pamela Anderson
I got into therapy in the fifth grade because I said in a sarcastic way that I was going to kill myself, and they didn't… — Fiona Apple
If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire. — George Carlin
Please try not to be such a wiener-head. — Dave Barry
She is a water bug on the surface of life. — Gloria Steinem
She's descended from a long line her mother listened to. — Gypsy Rose Lee
They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge. — Thomas Reed

Who Wrote These Sarcastic Quotes

449 authors contributed a total of 891 Sarcastic Quotes, led by these top contributors: