Funny Quotes

52060 Funny quotes by 14453 unique authors

Chatterers are a menace. — Jeffrey Archer
Everything he wanna have-I got. — Tupac Shakur
Gettin high, livin' everday, like i'm gonna die. — Tupac Shakur
It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it. — Dan Quayle
I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law. — David Dinkins
I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade. — George Carlin
Every one starts out being an atheist. — Andy Rooney
If revealed religions have revealed anything it is that they are usually wrong. — Francis Crick
There is no bigot like the atheist. — Gilbert K. Chesterton
Aesthetes never do anything but what they are told. — Gilbert K. Chesterton
It is hard to make government representative when it is also remote. — Gilbert K. Chesterton
Theology is only thought applied to religion. — Gilbert K. Chesterton
You can't have the family farm without the family. — Gilbert K. Chesterton
The only object of liberty is life. — Gilbert K. Chesterton
Don't say, "If I could, I would." Say, "If I can, I will." — Jim Rohn
I remember being seven and asking my mom if I was as pretty as Monique [my best friend in grade school]. And with all the… — Jennifer Aniston
There's no such thing as a supermom. We just do the best we can. — Sarah Michelle Gellar
Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties. — Doug Larson
I'm a mother with two small children, so I don't take as much crap as I used to. — Pamela Anderson
I reserve my right to be complex. — Leslie Feinberg
She knows who she is, because she knows who she isn't. — Nikki Giovanni
I definitely know that there's somebody looking out for me, because I could never do this alone. — Taylor Swift
Working hours are never long enough. Each day is a holiday, and ordinary holidays are grudged as enforced interruptions in an absorbing vocation. — Winston Churchill
Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws. — George Carlin
Happiness is there for the taking - and the making. — Oprah Winfrey

Who Wrote These Funny Quotes

14,453 authors contributed a total of 52,060 Funny Quotes, led by these top contributors: