Funny Quotes

52060 Funny quotes by 14453 unique authors

John Ford was so funny that I couldn't wait to go to work in the morning. — Richard Widmark
You get what you earn. — Paul Konerko
It's not where you start but where you finish. — Unknown Author
I have watched all the work going on there, and the more I see of it the more I am convinced that Mendelism has nothing… — Unknown Author
You can't hit what you can't see — Walter Johnson
There ain't much to being a ballplayer, if you're a ballplayer. — Honus Wagner
One has to live a life that creates a writer. — Erno Paasilinna
[N]ever stop being yourself. — Ruth Minsky Sender
It is a wretched thing to live on the fame of others. — Juvenal
All statements about the hydrides of boron earlier than 1912, when Stock began to work upon them, are untrue. — Unknown Author
Despite the forecast, live like it's Spring. — Lilly Pulitzer
You're everything I thought you never were and nothing like I thought you could've been. — Beyonce Knowles
I got raped when I was 11, and I loved it. — Lil Wayne
My power will be in humility. — Walter Russell
You're nothing short of my everything. — Unknown Author
You always find things you didn't know you were going to say, and that is the adventure... — John Updike
How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them. — Groucho Marx
If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire. — George Carlin
I can do only one thing at a time, but I can avoid doing many things simultaneously. — Ashleigh Brilliant
It is a terrible thing to look over your shoulder when you are trying to lead - and find no one there. — Franklin D. Roosevelt
Maintain an attitude of anticipating success! — Tae Yun Kim
Intolerance has been the curse of every age and state. — Unknown Author
Accustom yourself to tireless activity. — Alexander Suvorov
Nothing adventured, nothing attained — Peter McWilliams
It takes courage to lead a life. Any life. — Erica Jong

Who Wrote These Funny Quotes

14,453 authors contributed a total of 52,060 Funny Quotes, led by these top contributors: