Funny Quotes

52060 Funny quotes by 14453 unique authors

Funny is an attitude. — Flip Wilson
Words once spoken can never be recalled. — Wentworth Dillon, 4th Earl of Roscommon
Not being able to sleep is terrible. You have the misery of having partied all night... Without the satisfaction. — Lynn Johnston
People would ask me, 'Is he as funny at home as he is in the movies?' ... I would have to answer, 'Well, he can… — Unknown Author
I was struck all on a heap. — Richard Brinsley Sheridan
To do is to be. -Descartes To be is to do. - Voltaire Do be do be do. — Frank Sinatra
Thank you for nothing. — Miguel de Cervantes
I have pursued her, as love hath pursued me — William Shakespeare
For love, thou know'st, is full of jealousy — William Shakespeare
You could do so much for me if you just would. If you just knew. I am I and you are you and I know… — William Faulkner
Purple Haze all in my brain, lately things don't seem the same. Actin' funny but I don't know why. 'Scuse me while I kiss the… — Jimi Hendrix
Do the best you can and never stop. — Unknown Author
VOCATUS ATQUE NON VOCATUS DEUS ADERIT. — Carl Jung
Everybody Loves Somebody Sometime. — Dean Martin
It's funny how heterosexuals have lives and the rest of us have "lifestyles." — Sonia Johnson
I have a brain and a uterus, and I use both. — Patricia Schroeder
The age of chivalry has gone; the age of humanity has come. — Charles Sumner
You make good coffee . . . You're a slob, but you make good coffee. — Cher
This is a funny story. We'd asked the guards every day for cappuccino. You know, just as a joke. And they'd come in with their… — Martha Stewart
The less people know about how sausages and laws are made, the better they'll sleep at night — Otto von Bismarck
What gets measured gets managed. — Peter Drucker
Nothing recedes like success. — Walter Winchell
Success and money can really be quite blinding. — Jim Harrison
Again the Cousin's whistle! Go, my Love. — Robert Browning
Always carry a corkscrew and the wine shall provide itself. — Basil Bunting

Who Wrote These Funny Quotes

14,453 authors contributed a total of 52,060 Funny Quotes, led by these top contributors: