Funny Quotes

52060 Funny quotes by 14453 unique authors

My greatest crush was Chandler from 'Friends'. And Goran Ivanisevic. — Miranda Hart
Now it is a funny thing about life. If you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it. If you utterly… — W. Somerset Maugham
I just build and build more yall niggas build and destroy — Drake
Life has meaning only if one barters it day by day for something other than itself. — Antoine de Saint-Exupery
What we learn to do, we learn by doing. — Thomas Jefferson
One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time. — Nancy Astor
If I ever mary, it will be on a suddn impulse - as aman shoots himself — H. L. Mencken
A man doesn't know what happiness is until he's married. By then it's too late. — Frank Sinatra
To the makying of bookes of gardenyng there is noe ende. — Unknown Author
My act is very educational. I heard a man leaving the other night saying, 'Well that taught me a lesson.' — Ken Dodd
No one has ever died, from an overexposure to education. — Robert M. Hensel
An object that is at rest will tend to stay at rest. An object that is in motion will tend to stay in motion. — Isaac Newton
That's why we recommend it daily. — Zig Ziglar
Where there is love, there is God also. — Leo Tolstoy
You must make your own opportunities. — John Bartholomew Gough
Worth seeing, yes; but not worth going to see. — Samuel Johnson
A large section of the intelligentsia seems wholly devoid of intelligence. — Gilbert K. Chesterton
He is far too intelligent to become really cerebral. — Ursula K. Le Guin
He who undervalues himself is justly undervalued by others. — William Hazlitt
Nothing is ours except time. — Seneca the Younger
He ended up on his own. I thought, he's got rid of everybody else, he's going to get rid of himself and he did." "Things… — Tony Hancock
Let's see if I get myself with this one. — Jon-Erik Hexum
We're just going to go straight beer. No sense in diluting it. — Robert Gibbs
My dad used to say 'Always fight fire with fire,' which is probably why he got thrown out of the the fire brigade. — Harry Hill
All I've got against golf is it takes you so far from the clubhouse. — Eric Linklater

Who Wrote These Funny Quotes

14,453 authors contributed a total of 52,060 Funny Quotes, led by these top contributors: