Funny Quotes
52060 Funny quotes by 14453 unique authors
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We would like only, for once, to get to where we are already.
— Martin Heidegger
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Home is where you hang your head.
— Groucho Marx
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What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us.
— Hermann Hesse
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Wars are just to those to whom they are necessary.
— Edmund Burke
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We English are good at forgiving our enemies; it releases us from the obligation of liking our friends.
— P.D. James
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The only thing that they can be relied on to do is to gallop too far and too fast.
— Duke of Wellington
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I ain't as good as I once was, But I'm as good once as I ever was.
— Toby Keith
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It's hard not to be afraid. Be less afraid.
— Susan Sontag
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"I ain't lookin down but I see no one above me."
— Lil Wayne
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I've never recorded anything I didn't like.
— Aretha Franklin
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The more I know the less tortured I am.
— Alanis Morissette
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If you dig it, do it. If you dig it a lot, do it twice.
— Jim Croce
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If you can see it, you can have it.
— Kong Hee
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All art requires courage.
— Anne Wilkes Tucker
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To invent an airplane is nothing. To build one is something. But to fly is everything.
— Otto Lilienthal
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You've heard of the three ages of man - youth, age, and you are looking wonderful.
— Francis Spellman
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You know you're getting old when everything hurts. And what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
— Unknown Author
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This vision is within our grasp.
— Unknown Author
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Our vision was to serve the whole area
— Susan Collins
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Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
— Wilhelm II
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Brewers enjoy working to make beer as much as drinking beer instead of working.
— Unknown Author
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There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart.
— Melanie Griffith
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I am not allowing myself to get carried away.
— Damon Hill
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Left hand, right hand, it doesn't matter. I'm amphibious.
— Charles Shackleford
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Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?
— Bob Monkhouse
Who Wrote These Funny Quotes
14,453 authors contributed a total of 52,060 Funny Quotes, led by these top contributors: