Funny Quotes

52060 Funny quotes by 14453 unique authors

I don't wanna get old and stagnant and hang around. — GG Allin
My demons and I are not compatible. We never have been and never will be. — GG Allin
Don't think that the things around you don't count, because they do. — Jarvis Cocker
I guess I'm fairly insistent and maybe consistent. If I decide I'll do something, I generally will. — Jarvis Cocker
I'm always nervous when I perform anyway. — Jarvis Cocker
We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like? — Jean Cocteau
If it has to choose who is to be crucified, the crowd will always save Barabbas. — Jean Cocteau
For me, I am a huge fan of Sofia Coppola and Lynn Shelton. I love Lena Dunham, like everybody else. I love Kathryn Bigelow. — Diablo Cody
Honestly, this will never happen because she's so much classier than me, but I would love to work with Sofia Coppola. — Diablo Cody
I normally ignore the History Channel. — Diablo Cody
MySpace is an addiction. — Paulo Coelho
I was arrested three times and tortured once. — Paulo Coelho
There is an afterlife. I am convinced of this. — Paulo Coelho
I don't go to parties in general. — Paulo Coelho
Hurried and worried until we're buried, and there's no curtain call, Lifes a very funny proposition after all. — George M. Cohan
What are you accepting that would not be a part of your ideal day? — Alan Cohen
The Internet is for haters. Everyone wants to knock somebody down, but it's cool. — Andy Cohen
I love a smart, well-written show, and '30 Rock,' well, you can't get any better than that. Tina Fey poos funny. There's nothing that she… — Andy Cohen
I love divas. Madonna, Mariah, Beyonce, Britney. — Andy Cohen
I love Jimmy Fallon; he's always a great time. — Andy Cohen
I never say I work in television, I say I get to work in television. — Andy Cohen
I've been nominated for 12 Emmys, and we won - for 'Top Chef' - the only time I didn't go. — Andy Cohen
It is by doubting that we come to investigate, and by investigating that we recognize the truth. — Peter Abelard
Face it, the system is rigged, and it's rigged against us. — Eric Alterman
If we have no respect for our viewers, then how can we have any respect for ourselves and what we do? — Christiane Amanpour

Who Wrote These Funny Quotes

14,453 authors contributed a total of 52,060 Funny Quotes, led by these top contributors: