Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, Something they say is blind -- it's marriage which is the real eye opener;

— Nikhil Saluja

Stress balls really work when you shove them down someone's throat.

— Nikhil Saluja

Whenever I masturbate I always pretend my right hand has a British accent.

— Nikhil Saluja

I entered the twitter room, locked myself in and swallowed the key.

— Nikhil Saluja

The only time a woman should ever look down on a man is when she's riding his cock like a cowgirl.

— Nikhil Saluja

You are true... when you admit there are times you fool yourself.

— Nikhil Saluja

Caught my 5 year old playing with my phone and she bought a gun online.

— Nikhil Saluja

Two heads are better than one - undeniable proof that men are the superior sex.

— Nikhil Saluja

There's always that one asshole who says at band camp when someone else says that one time...

— Nikhil Saluja

If Girls Walk In A Group Its A Group If Boys Walk In A Group Its A GANG.. !

— Nikhil Saluja

The only reason I'd ask what happen today, is to steal some ideas to tweet.

— Nikhil Saluja

Strarted banging a stripper named Amazing, she's not all that, but at least I get to say I'm fucking Amazing.

— Nikhil Saluja

Watched a movie with my wife last night, I was on the edge of my seat. Fat bitch.

— Nikhil Saluja

Nothing makes me feel more grown up than using Facebook for actual social networking instead of stalking my exes.

— Nikhil Saluja

Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.

— Nikhil Saluja

Chicks with 6 pack abs come into the bedroom with WWE entrance music.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.

— Nikhil Saluja

Beating a women is unacceptable. Period. She tries to hit you first, do like I do and tickle her until she pisses…

— Nikhil Saluja

Money cant buy Happiness, but it pays for internet, which is pretty much the same thing.!!

— Nikhil Saluja

This girl keeps starring my tweets and I keep starring her tweets but we never follow each other, are we married now?

— Nikhil Saluja

When it comes to sex and phone calls, I have mastered the art of keeping them under a few minutes.

— Nikhil Saluja

The only time a woman should have a man by the balls is when she's sucking on them.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVER(S), A person who could only be more perfect if your partner turned into a pizza at 4:00 am

— Nikhil Saluja

Philosopher: A masochistic fool who will be considered a genius once dead.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sex can lead to nasty things like herpes, gonorrhea, and relationships.

— Nikhil Saluja

Having sarcastic conversations with yourself when people are ignoring you.

— Nikhil Saluja

You Can Waste It Or Use It For Good! What You Do Today Is Important Because You Are Exchanging A Day Of…

— Nikhil Saluja

Who cares about the Key to a woman's heart when whisKey is the quickest Key to her panties.

— Nikhil Saluja

Police should arrest people tweeting under the influence of stupidity.

— Nikhil Saluja

I hate it when I have a tweet in my head and my friends doesn't retweet it.

— Nikhil Saluja

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

— Nikhil Saluja

She taught me how to walk. I taught her how to perch on an escalator in a mall.

— Nikhil Saluja

Being in the friend zone is just like being front row at an awesome concert… except you're deaf.

— Nikhil Saluja

You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When You're offended when people use the word brew to mean beer.

— Nikhil Saluja

Wouldn't it be funny if breast implants came with squeaky toys inside them.

— Nikhil Saluja

If life hands you lemons, make lemonade; if it hands you tomatoes, make vegetable stew.

— Nikhil Saluja

If I know the person talks a lot I avoid using these words: 1) Really? 2) Please explain! 3) Hello.

— Nikhil Saluja

Kindness : I never will understand all the good that a simple smile can accomplish.

— Nikhil Saluja

You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.

— Nikhil Saluja

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

— Nikhil Saluja