Nikhil Saluja

I just want someone to compliment my new underwear. Ugh, its so hard being a salesman in this day and age.

— Nikhil Saluja

That moment when you have to beg yourself to stop crying and tell yourself, 'Be Strong'

— Nikhil Saluja

She: Do You Think Im Fat Now.? Me: No Baby, You Have Just Become My Teddy Bearfrom A Barbie Doll..!! ¥

— Nikhil Saluja

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

— Nikhil Saluja

I always date girls with beer guts cause you know those bitches can party.

— Nikhil Saluja

Give a man some 'pussy' and he'll have 'sex' for a day. Teach a man to 'jackoff' and he'll have 'sex' for…

— Nikhil Saluja

Whenever you're having doubts about your sexuality, remember that's exactly how female cockroaches feel the whole time.

— Nikhil Saluja

Roses are red. Violets are blue. They both live in the ground...soon, you will too.

— Nikhil Saluja

I like my women like I like watching my porn on the computer, fucking muted.

— Nikhil Saluja

ProTip: If you need a shoulder to cry on...buy a teddy bear or something like a pillow.

— Nikhil Saluja

If Men Got Pregnant: Maternity leave would last for two years with full pay

— Nikhil Saluja

Tears running down my face like rain, who would have ever thought that love would come with so much pain.

— Nikhil Saluja

It is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

— Nikhil Saluja

I recently started selling furniture for a living. Trouble is, it's my own!

— Nikhil Saluja

Doctor: A person who kills your disease with pills and you with bills.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says trust me, you don't want to know.

— Nikhil Saluja

TWO-MINUTE WARNING: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

— Nikhil Saluja

You know what's fun? Go to a German restaurant and insist on using chopsticks.

— Nikhil Saluja

Animal testing is a terrible idea. They get nervous and give the wrong answers.

— Nikhil Saluja

Griddle cakes, pancakes, hotcakes, flapjacks: why are there four names for grilled batter and only one word for love?

— Nikhil Saluja

I've never felt this way about anyone before. - Every girl, literally every time they like a guy

— Nikhil Saluja

On one thing, at least, men & women both agree: They both distrust women.

— Nikhil Saluja

Using Viagra to masturbate is a hardest time in every man's life...

— Nikhil Saluja

I often wonder how my tweets are going to sound when read aloud at my future divorce hearing.

— Nikhil Saluja

Site Engineer is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes I look at my friends and think to myself, What the hell would I do without them

— Nikhil Saluja

If you can't say goodbye to your past, then you just can't say hello to your future.

— Nikhil Saluja

Walking around with a 'Don't talk to me. I'm dead inside.' sign on my forehead wasn't a good idea after all.

— Nikhil Saluja

95% of vegetarians are vegetarian just so they can tweet & tell the rest of us they are.

— Nikhil Saluja

Ladies: when your parents told you as a child don't spit honey, it's not lady like. Those same rules apply to blowjobs…

— Nikhil Saluja

In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

— Nikhil Saluja

True Love is like Justin Bieber's masculinity. It doesn't exist.

— Nikhil Saluja

Love: starts with a friendship, moves to a kiss, leads to between the legs, then finishes on her face.

— Nikhil Saluja

Helpful weight loss tip: Don't eat so much, you fat piece of shit.

— Nikhil Saluja

Inflation hasn't ruined everything. For example, a dime can still be used as a screwdriver.

— Nikhil Saluja

My wife just asked me to do something she saw in a porn movie: order a pizza.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes I'll see a girl jogging that's so sexy, I'll jog directly behind her ass until she gets home.

— Nikhil Saluja

Yesterday, I came home early from work and found my Girlfriend cheating. The lazy bitch has hired a maid for cooking.

— Nikhil Saluja

Facebook should add sexually active to their material status, it would save us on tons of poking.

— Nikhil Saluja

Can you stop pretending urself as a 'tough' girl on twitter? We get it. You don't give a shit about anyone. Good…

— Nikhil Saluja