“I would sacrifice my life to save two lives, provided those two people would sacrifice their lives to save four lives. In… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“I have an ill-fitting jacket. It looks sick. It has an “I Voted” sticker on it, so perhaps it’s as disgusted with… — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
“I couldn’t believe she was half dressed. How dare she only be half naked in my presence.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Obesity isn't as cool as it used to be, back in the earlier centuries. Before it was a reflection on your gross… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can’t afford to waste either my money or my time—but that doesn’t stop me from trying.” — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“A smile is like a simile, if you have a mouth like a metaphor. That would make for like the best kiss… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick is a mythical object that empowers its handler and enables them to conquer the world and control the globe through… — Jarod Kintz Conquer the world Copy Share Image
“Would a suit of armor make women feel as invincible as a sexy pair of shoes?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a boat, and due to the brick’s reputation of indestructibility, we could call the boat “The… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m in danger of losing my job as official scribe to my inner voice.” — Jarod Kintz Inner voice Copy Share Image
“Today I am doing better than yesterday, and tomorrow I hope to be doing better than I am today. And two days… — Jarod Kintz Doing better Copy Share Image
“18 rules for not getting caught. 1-17: don’t tell anybody. #18: not even your clone.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll get a gift for you, but I’ll give it to someone else to give to you, so that it’s like I’m… — Jarod Kintz Gift Of Giving Copy Share Image
“I put you on the map, and I can fold you up and stuff you in the glove compartment too.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m in no position to criticize, because I’m in the fetal position, and I’m bound and gagged and stuffed in the trunk… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“For my books, I do everything short of writing my own reviews. Those I do tall.” — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“I’m an artist. I’m a cave painter. Archaeologists and art critics of the future are going to call me a genius. They’re… — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. With you not being there I notice your unbeing, with you still being a being in time… — Jarod Kintz Space Copy Share Image
“I lean on my friends for support. It’s better than leaning on a crutch, because your friends won’t accuse you of chugging… — Jarod Kintz Drinking problem Copy Share Image
“It’s one thing to say you love snakes, but it’s another to actually live the lifestyle. How many people, myself excluded, spend… — Jarod Kintz Early morning Copy Share Image
“My love is as Swift as Taylor. You’d better shoot it down before it flies away. ” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“You don’t have to visit an asylum to see insanity. All you have to do is visit Washington DC.” — Jarod Kintz Washington dc Copy Share Image
“She’s beautiful, but she’s also got brains. I’ll bet zombies would love to eat out of her skull like a bowl of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I network like a shepherd with a flock of sheep. I’m constantly on the lookout for wolves, and I’m always in the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wrote my name on the list 10 years ago, and under the date I wrote “In the future.” But how’d I… — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“How would you define love to an eight-year-old aardvark from Argentina who hears angularly, rather than linearly? I don’t know, but let… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I need a water/glory mix of 2:1. That’d make me piss like a champion.” — Jarod Kintz Water Copy Share Image
“A great gift would be a cheap pen, mounted on a wooden plaque, with the accompanying label that reads, “This is the… — Jarod Kintz History Copy Share Image
“Word of mouth—it's more powerful, more convincing, and more audible than word of hand. If you need me, I’ll be in the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dream dialogue: -Don’t cry. I, too, know what it’s like to be different. -But I’m not different. I’m normal, I’m average, and… — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“My birthday is on a holiday. I just have to wait until I die and they commemorate me.” — Jarod Kintz Birthday Copy Share Image
“God ordered the world and all things in it, and I ordered a pizza and all things on it.” — Jarod Kintz God Copy Share Image
