That American Taliban kid Johnny Walker was indicted today. Ten counts of terrorism. He could get 5 life sentences. In Taliban terms,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In a speech earlier today President Bush said if Iraq gets rid of Saddam Hussein, he will help the Iraqi people with… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Obama administration has admitted that under Obamacare, you might not be able to keep your doctor. At first the president guaranteed… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Now, today is the day we honor, of course, the Presidents, ranging from George Washington, who couldn't tell a lie, to George… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Today the United States has admitted that after months and months of searching, we still have no idea where Osama bin Laden… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama announced this week that he is going to start sending out his own messages personally on Twitter. And today Anthony… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to USA Today, 74 percent of Americans plan to hand out candy this Halloween. Although President Obama thinks it should be… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Barack Obama said today that politics has become too gummed up by money and influence ... and then he had to leave… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Schwarzenegger said last night on the show he expects his opponents to throw all kinds of dirt at him. And you know,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Major heat wave in India - 122 degrees today. It was so hot people in India were sweating like Americans waiting to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry went hunting today. He said he killed a goose. He didn't bring Teresa along because he was a little rusty… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Today Arnold Schwarzenegger made another major announcement. He said his lieutenant governor will be Xena, Warrior Princess. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There was another war-related casualty today. The French were injured when they tried to jump on our bandwagon. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
How many have seen that Osama bin Laden footage? Pretty scary. In fact, today, NBC ordered 13 more episodes. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush has urged people to get back to normal and today Congress announced that they are accepting bribes again. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Alaska Governor Sarah Palin pardoned a turkey, though she said she was amazed to find out that, besides being a bird, Turkey… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
It's cold out. It's even cold in Florida. So cold today that Katherine Harris put on a third layer of makeup. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I don't want to say Gray Davis is on the run, but today he released an audiotape on the Al Jazeera network… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry said today that he wants to get rid of tax cuts for the rich and his wife said, 'Hey, shut… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Thousands of dead fish have now washed up on shore along the coast of South Carolina. Today the NRA said that this… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Now this really annoys me: All these people getting on the Internet and saying Nostradamus predicted this. If Nostradamus were alive today… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Actually, Joe Biden looked pretty good. In fact, Joe's popularity has gone from 1% to 2% last week to 3% today. At… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Today is February 14th - St. Valentine's day. Women call it Love day, while men name it as Extortion day. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they're getting back together. You know what that means? There's still… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
They say that most airline seats on planes today are meant for 170-pound passengers. The last time the average American weighed 170… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
