Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Rumors have restarted that the Republican ticket will not be Bush-Cheney. But today those rumors were put to rest when Cheney said,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A lot of people are now criticizing Attorney General John Ashcroft for his policy on detaining what he considers suspicious people. I… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they're getting back together. You know what that means? There's still… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to today's Los Angeles Times, Gray Davis now gets negative job ratings from white people, black people, Latinos, Republicans, Independents and… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I don't want to say Gray Davis is on the run, but today he released an audiotape on the Al Jazeera network… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Senator John Kerry released his plan today to eliminate the deficit. He said all we have to do is find a really… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
For the first time the people of Iraq are united. Today on CNN I saw a Kurd, a Shiite and a member… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The federal government said today they've begun training sessions for airport security workers to provide what they call more customer satisfaction to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The CEO of Enron, Jeffrey Skilling, married one of the Enron secretaries this week. It's amazing how romantic these Enron guys can… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The hot gossip in Washington is that Condoleezza Rice might have a new boyfriend. Secretary of State Rice is being linked to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama had lunch with Republican leaders at the White House today and had to do without salt, pepper and butter. Not… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Thousands of dead fish have now washed up on shore along the coast of South Carolina. Today the NRA said that this… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Schwarzenegger said last night on the show he expects his opponents to throw all kinds of dirt at him. And you know,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to USA Today, 74 percent of Americans plan to hand out candy this Halloween. Although President Obama thinks it should be… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry said today that he wants to get rid of tax cuts for the rich and his wife said, 'Hey, shut… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The French announced today that they would not help us remove Saddam from Iraq. Well Duh! They didn't even help us remove… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Elections officials here in California are concerned that having 247 candidates would require a ballot so long it would be difficult to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
And Ralph Nader, God bless him, still out there campaigning. Ralph Nader said today he has set a record for the most… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry went hunting today. He said he killed a goose. He didn't bring Teresa along because he was a little rusty… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Vice President Joe Biden said today that 'Syria must be held accountable.' Unfortunately, the Obama administration has never employed an accountant, so… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
They say that most airline seats on planes today are meant for 170-pound passengers. The last time the average American weighed 170… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry and Ralph Nader met face-to-face, it was a historic meeting. Astronomers said today their meeting actually created what is called… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A survey released today found that men spend twice as much on their mistresses for Christmas as they do on their wives.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A new poll says that if the election were held today, both John Kerry and John Edwards would beat President Bush by… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
They said these North Korean missiles had enough range to hit Seattle, but residents in Seattle were not worried. Today Bill Gates… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Arnold Schwarzenegger is blaming man for global warming. And today, Al Gore agreed with him. That's so typical. Two cyborgs, 'Oh, let's… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Remember when we used to worry about some weirdo having a razor blade inside an apple on Halloween? Not anymore. Like a… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
It is day two of the Democratic convention, and apparently they had a huge lighting problem in the convention hall today. They… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they're all… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Now, today is the day we honor, of course, the Presidents, ranging from George Washington, who couldn't tell a lie, to George… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Democratic Leadership Council has named Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton to design a plan to help define an agenda to the Democratic… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Today is April 1, April Fools' Day, a day that people try to fool their friends and relatives. Don't confuse that with… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A hiker who was lost in a blizzard said he stayed alive by digging a snow tunnel and burning dollar bills for… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Howard Dean announced today he will campaign in seven states. The states are Rage, Frenzy, Fury, Rath, Fever, Agitation, and Delirium. Yeeeeaaaah! — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Barack Obama said today that politics has become too gummed up by money and influence ... and then he had to leave… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I saw something stupid in the paper today. A new alarm clock that makes no noise. It's for people who don't like… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Twenty-one years ago today Saddam Hussein was first elected president of Iraq and he has been re-elected ever since. Apparently they have… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
At a press conference yesterday NASA announced that 2005 was the hottest year on record. It is so hot, and global warming… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Today the United States has admitted that after months and months of searching, we still have no idea where Osama bin Laden… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
