President Obama was in Disney World today where he unveiled his new plan to create jobs. He was joined by Mickey Mouse… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Vice President Joe Biden said today that 'Syria must be held accountable.' Unfortunately, the Obama administration has never employed an accountant, so… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
More warnings issued by all branches of the government today that another terrorist attack is imminent. We're not sure when, we're not… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to today's Los Angeles Times, Gray Davis now gets negative job ratings from white people, black people, Latinos, Republicans, Independents and… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
At a press conference yesterday NASA announced that 2005 was the hottest year on record. It is so hot, and global warming… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they're all… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You see the pictures in the paper today of John Kerry windsurfing? He's at his home in Nantucket this week, doing his… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A lot of people are now criticizing Attorney General John Ashcroft for his policy on detaining what he considers suspicious people. I… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The IRS said today anyone with a refund coming from their 2001 taxes will lose it if they don't pick it up… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Remember when we used to worry about some weirdo having a razor blade inside an apple on Halloween? Not anymore. Like a… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Today, you get better performance from a Ford Focus than a Ferrari from the mid-70s. [The Focus] is just as fast and… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The CEO of Enron, Jeffrey Skilling, married one of the Enron secretaries this week. It's amazing how romantic these Enron guys can… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
USA Today reports that the number of death row executions this year has hit a 35-year low. They attribute that to DNA… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Howard Dean announced today he will campaign in seven states. The states are Rage, Frenzy, Fury, Rath, Fever, Agitation, and Delirium. Yeeeeaaaah! — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Today is April 1, April Fools' Day, a day that people try to fool their friends and relatives. Don't confuse that with… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I tried to log on to the Obamacare website today. I don't think I'm doing it right. I lost 300 bucks playing… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Services were held today for Ken Lay - convicted thief and crook Ken Lay.They folded his arms across his chest and sowed… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A dead body was discovered this week on the grounds of a country estate owned by Queen Elizabeth. The queen said today… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
We are in a code orange. Homeland Security said earlier today that everyone should have a roll of duct tape and plastic… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I saw something stupid in the paper today. A new alarm clock that makes no noise. It's for people who don't like… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The leaders of the Taliban said today that killing bin Laden won't solve the problem. But, you know, it couldn't hurt. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Today the Secretary of State said that of the 247 candidates, so far 115 of them have been certified. How embarrassing is… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President-elect Barack Obama is starting to get an idea of just how hard his new job is going to be. Today, he… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Democratic Leadership Council has named Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton to design a plan to help define an agenda to the Democratic… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
