You and Teacher,” said Molly. “Yes,” said Peter. “She’s very clever. You’ll like her.” “I’m sure,” said Molly. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I guess the negative thing that happens to me is that I'm old now. They said there was a generation I was… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Wood heat is not new. It dates back to a day millions of years ago, when a group of cavemen were sitting… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Sir,” James asked, “what are we going to do?” “We’re going to look for water,” said Alf. “And food?” said Tubby Ted.… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I really need to know where I'm going with fiction to write it in a way that at least I'm happy with.… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Remember how he handled the Iran-contra Never Ending Scandal from Hell? He went on national television, the President of the United States,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Cyrus Pembridge, the Never Land’s captain, was widely regarded as the most incompetent man to comman a ship since the formation of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
When I write my annual tax column, some ex-IRS agent will complain, "There you go IRS bashing again." They're always saying that… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If Peter was nine, and a new boy came to St. Norbert’s Home for Wayward Boys who said he was ten, why,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Why don’t you lift the end?” said Alf. “It’s me back, Alf,” complained Mack. “You know how it troubles me.” “No more… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Several years ago we had an intern who was none too swift. One day he was typing and turned to a secretary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
My son, Rob....said the only time he ever wraps a gift is, quote, "if it's such a poor gift that I don't… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
You might have mentioned this to me Molly,” said Leonard. “The fact that there are hostile natives on the island.” “I forgot,”… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Leonard Aster thanked Fighting Prawn and the Mollusk tribe for their hospitality. “You mean,” said Fighting Prawn, “for not killing you?” “Yes,”… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, "Bob is on vacation. Would you like… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The French are not rude. They just happen to hate you. But that is no reason to bypass this beautiful country, whose… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I'm a humorist. A guy like Paul Simon just makes my life so much simpler. When I was there, he had a… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Recently I began to feel this void in my life, even after meals, and I said to myself, "Dave, all you do… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The voice belonged to Mr. Pzyrbovich, an algebra teacher who was always called Mr. P, for obvious reasons. He has a heavy… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
When Prince Charles speaks, everybody pretends to be fascinated, even though he has never said anything interesting except in that intercepted telephone… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
