President Obama has begun a three-state bus tour. I believe the three states are: Confusion, Delusion, and Desperation. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush released his tax returns yesterday. He listed the economy as a liability. He gets to write that off. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
So China's president [Hu Jintao] meets, uh - meets America's president. It's like President "Who?" meeting President "Huh?" — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
We ought to thank President Bush. He made it a lot easier for people to do taxes this year. No job, no… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Good news. President Bush is creating thousands of new jobs. Unfortunately, all of them are at the White House. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Saddam Hussein also challenged President Bush to a debate. The Butcher of Baghdad vs. the Butcher of the English language. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama and House Speaker John Boehner played golf this weekend. Obama’s handicap is Joe Biden. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
We're fighting three wars now. Imagine how many we'd be fighting if President Obama hadn't won the Nobel Peace Prize. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Here's some exciting news - according to The New York Post, both Al Gore and John Kerry are thinking of running for… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
With the presidential debates right around the corner, John Kerry is going to play Mitt Romney to help the President prepare for… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A Newsweek poll said if the election were held today, John Kerry would beat Bush 49 percent to 46 percent. And today,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama was in Disney World today where he unveiled his new plan to create jobs. He was joined by Mickey Mouse… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush has unveiled his first campaign commercial, highlighting all of his accomplishes in office. That's why it's a 60-second spot. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In Chicago some anti-Mitt Romney protesters told reporters they're being paid to protest. They said they're being paid by Democrats to stand… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You know, it shows how old I am. I can remember the good old days when the president picked the Supreme Court… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry's wife Teresa Heinz is on the cover of Newsweek magazine this week and they said that if he is elected… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas Governor Rick Perry now says his wife has been encouraging him to run for President. Remember first he told us God… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
As you all know by now, Barack Obama sent out a cell phone text message at 3 a.m. on Saturday morning to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama and House Speaker John Boehner have agreed to play a round of golf together. Imagine the two of them at… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In a speech earlier today President Bush said if Iraq gets rid of Saddam Hussein, he will help the Iraqi people with… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry is recovering nicely after having prostate surgery. But the doctors did tell him it would be several months before he… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I watched that new reality show on ABC with Charlie Gibson, 'America's Next Top Vice President.' ... Oh, what an exciting show… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The White House has finally found one guy that kinda remembers serving with President Bush in the National Guard. Now they just… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush said it's now time for a change in Iraq and he wants them to have a Western-style democracy like ours.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump says that he will not run for president. You know why? He can't find his birth certificate. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush has urged people to get back to normal and today Congress announced that they are accepting bribes again. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Some sad news, President Bush's lapdog passed away. Gee, I didn't even know Tony Blair was sick? — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush said the other day the war is not about timetables. It's about winning. Hey, it worked in Florida. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
As we head to war with Iraq, President Bush wants to make one thing clear: This war is not about oil. It's… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In an interview with Univision, President Obama said if there's one thing he's learned, it's that you can't change Washington from within.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush was in Los Angeles yesterday where he announced his new campaign theme - “Safer, Stronger, and Tested.” Isn't that a… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Vice President Cheney is also on vacation. He's in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. What better place for a guy who has had 4… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush is now focusing on jobs. I think the one job he's focusing most on is his own. The White House… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama gave a big speech on climate change. He believes global warming is getting worse because apparently he's sweating a lot… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Barack Obama spent his first day as president-elect putting together his transition team. And if you believe MSNBC, by tomorrow he will… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry said today he wants to debate President Bush once a month. Hey good luck, if Bush couldn't make it to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Chris Christie has officially endorsed Mitt Romney for president. Christie said President Obama is 'shrinking the American pie.' And believe me, if… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama said he is going to use the Gulf disaster to push a new energy bill through Congress. How about using… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama admitted this week that a former girlfriend that he wrote about in his autobiography was made up and not a… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama told a group of school children that broccoli was his favorite food, and they believed him. Then he told them… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
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