Humor Quotes · Page 764

[Using humor to explore serious issues] disarms people. It's a way in. It's gentle, but at the same time it's subversive, and…

— Lisa Loomer

Whatever makes you laugh is fine, and all we can do as comedy professionals is try to steer you towards something that…

— Paul Feig

“Wrath: look at how their folklore portrays our species. There's Dracula for Christ's sake, an evil bloodsucker who preys on the defenseless.…

— J.R. Ward

“If I can't be remembered as one of the greatest authors, why not be remembered as the sexiest writer...”

— Hans Lindor

I grew up in a family that was very barbed and difficult, and there was a lot of humor. None of it…

— John Wells

“It was not healthy for one man's smile to make my panties spontaneously combust”

— Molly Harper

In the wise words of Mahatma Gandhi: have a sense of humor.

— Drew Chadwick

“Calling a tongue piecing 'cosmetic' is a bit of a stretch, since you don't get one because it makes you look better.…

— Josh Bazell

“But first, I want the pleasure of telling you that you are fired. I fire you. I fire you and all your…

— Z.A. Maxfield

I was trying to be a clinical psychologist for years. But I kept getting stuck in comedy.

— Amy Hoggart

“Theatres are curious places, magician's trick-boxes where the golden memories of dramtic triumphs linger like nostalgic ghosts, and where the unexplainable, the…

— E.A. Bucchianeri

My father walked to school 4 o'clock every morning with no shoes on, uphill, both ways, in 5 feet of snow and…

— Bill Cosby

I bought a million lottery tickets. I won a dollar.

— Steven Wright

“Yep, I was so mature, I decided I would just have to reward myself by doing the naked lambada with a Federal…

— Fiona Skye

I don't do stand-up anymore. There are no rules in stand-up comedy. Journalists follow plenty of rules.

— Jason Whitlock

“Hypocrisy is the resin that holds the plywood of society together.”

— Scott Meyer

Laughter is the language of the heart

— Maharishi Mahesh Yogi

I couldn't be two faced. If I had two faces, I wouldn't wear this one.

— Abraham Lincoln

“You were chastising me. You may continue.”

— C.L. Wilson

“Soren huffed. “I saw her looking at me when we were changing into our uniforms.” “She was looking at you because you’re…

— Veronica Rossi

My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces.

— Anthony Jeselnik

“It is not clear who will bring to the Whitehouse those useful commodities of vivid language, a sense of history and most…

— Robert A. Caro

There is a close relationship between the ha-ha of humor and the aha! of discovery.

— Roger Von Oech

“Me?...Stupid?” I fluttered my eyes innocently. “When have I ever done anything stupid?” “Don’t get me wrong, you’re the smartest person I…

— M.A. George

“If the front door is opened," Barris said, "during our absence, my cassette tape recorder starts recording. It's under the couch. It…

— Philip K. Dick

“Coveralls," I reply, and I know I'm no longer screening what's coming out of my mouth. He raises a eyebrow, amused yet…

— E.L. James

So, please, oh please, we beg, we pray, go throw your TV set away, and in its place you can install, a…

— Roald Dahl

“Dunk the lunk, thick as a castle wall.”

— George R.R. Martin

I didn't come from a wealthy family. I had no money. Maybe it goes back to naivete which is your greatest asset…

— Steve Martin

It is amazing that I'm making a career out of comedy, my family can't quite believe it.

— Joe Lycett

“My first kiss as a single woman. It sent a tingle sprinting down my spine like a tingle panther.”

— Rosen Trevithick

The way I see it... If you need both of your hands for whatever it is you're doing, then your brain should…

— Ellen DeGeneres

“Die, die we all pass away, But don't wear a frown coz it's really okay, And you might try to hide, And…

— Danny Elfman - The Corpse Bride

“You don’t think that perhaps you have anger management issues?” “Punching people is managing my anger.”

— Suzanne Wright

“He reminded me of Gerald Roma from grade school, who used to burn ants with a magnifying glass. He was never quite…

— Darynda Jones

“During the years of struggling to make partner, he had sometimes entertained the comical notion that making partner would imbue him with…

— Reece Hirsch

“What? You just got boned by your trainer and minutes later felt the need to say hello to your son?”

— JD Holmes

“Dangerously close to having to work for a living.”

— Rosen Topuzov

The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to make sure one of them is a match.

— Will Rogers

“And she swung the old oar at him with all her strength. It hit with a great thwack, splintering in two, and…

— Anne Stuart