“Packing is one of those many things that I feel I know more about than any other person living. (It surprises me… — Jerome K. Jerome Copy Share Image
An anthropologist at Tulane has just come back from a field trip to New Guinea with reports of a tribe so primitive… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
“You there is such a thing as a door," I whispered. "You should try it some time.” — Chanda Hahn Copy Share Image
“The fact that we had independently decided to sweep our apartments on that Sunday afternoon after spending the weekend together, I took… — Nicholson Baker Copy Share Image
“Y'know, if anyone happens to know the name of a good literary agent that will actually return phone calls...” — Rob Steele Copy Share Image
“In dealing with others, man is inherently a slave to his preconceptions, to the stereotypes he became familiar with that made life… — Janvier Chouteu-Chando Copy Share Image
“I asked the cardiologist why an electrocardiogram was called an EKG, instead of an ECG. He said, "Nazis. Nazis invented the machine."… — Monica Drake Copy Share Image
There's probably been very few people in comedy that have a diversified background as I do. — Ron Shock Copy Share Image
“And how is His Great Fussiness today?” Derek’s eyes sparked a bit. “His Majesty is in an ill humor. Rumors are flying… — Ilona Andrews Copy Share Image
“Sometimes, if you close your eyes and keep still, you can be invisible. Ostriches know this." - Constantine” — Jamie Delano Copy Share Image
I feel like humor is the answer to everything. If you have a little bit of humor in the shaker and you… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
“Randy held out the koosh. “What is it?” “I have no idea,” Donna said. “Your asshole scrubber?” — Chris Genoa Copy Share Image
“He wasn't aware of it but when he smiled he looked like an amiable bear. When he didn't smile he didn't look… — Emma Goldrick Copy Share Image
Selling pot allowed me to get through college and make enough money to start off in comedy. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I make myself a bowl of instant oatmeal, and then I don't do anything for an hour. Why do I need the… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“If the ball does not fit your dog's mouth, it is not your ball.” — Avesta Afshari-Mehr Copy Share Image
Love and a good sense of humour strengthen the entire body; remember your cells respond to your input. — Barbara Marciniak Copy Share Image
I don't need a receipt for a doughnut. I'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut. End of… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“It’s so much fun to fight the odds, but it’s so draining to fight stupidity.” — Peter Bolton Copy Share Image
“I don’t sell spells, and I don’t sell tricks. I don’t carry illusions or marked cards or weighted coins. I can not… — Benedict Jacka Copy Share Image
“Anyway, it was big and I set up the trickiest structure. Accounts all over the world and money flying around like... The… — Dan Ahearn Copy Share Image
“Fear is a basic human instinct and an indicator of the gravity of a situation. It becomes an asset if it is… — Janvier Chouteu-Chando Copy Share Image
A lot of stand-up comedy is embarrassing: too many idiots doing it in orange neckties against brick walls. I find most sitcoms… — Tracey Ullman Copy Share Image
“I had found by experience that putting things down on paper helped to clear the mind in precisely the same way, as… — Alan Bradley Copy Share Image
“...What do people think about my staying with Harrison with him chasing everything that's hot and hollow?” — Dashiell Hammett Copy Share Image
“Wisconsin isn't a state, it's a state of mind; and gentle good humor is the coin of the realm.” — Scott Jacobs Copy Share Image
“We are bored in the city, to still discover mysteries on the signs along the street, latest state of humor and poetry,… — Tom McDonough Copy Share Image
“North," said the face beneath the sheet. "I belong to the National Association of Broadcasting Employees and Technicians. If you wake me… — Andrew Klavan Copy Share Image
