“Whenever I drink, I always have one too many. Of course, I only ever drink one.” — Jarod Kintz Course Copy Share Image
“I want to make something of myself. I believe it’s called a statue.” — Jarod Kintz Make believe Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to save humanity from mortality. Or at least save us from mortar. ” — Jarod Kintz Death Copy Share Image
“There’s money to be made with a name like Cash. I should print myself into popularity.” — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“If I had the gift of flight, would you try to turn me into duck soup?” — Jarod Kintz Gift Copy Share Image
“To live up to its name, softball should be played with a human testicle.” — Jarod Kintz Softball Copy Share Image
“A tree once saved my life. A posse was going to hang me, but this wise old oak would not let them.… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“Trying to put a baby back in the womb is like trying to convert a butterfly into a caterpillar, but still I’ve… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“If I were to assign a color combination to my love for you, it would be purple and brown, because you are… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Men and women think about love differently. The main difference is that men simply don’t think about it.” — Jarod Kintz Feminism Copy Share Image
“If instead of saucers, UFOs looked more like breasts, I’ll bet there’d be a lot more people trying to take pictures of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Some people say I look like my mom, while others say I look more like my dad. I guess it all depends… — Jarod Kintz Mom Copy Share Image
“If beards flowed like rivers, then I’d stop shaving my facial St. John’s, and I’d have one of the few major beards… — Jarod Kintz Beards Copy Share Image
“Money is flowing past you all the time like an invisible breeze. The trick is to get some to slide into your… — Jarod Kintz Breeze Copy Share Image
“We were in love. When I say we, I don’t mean her and I. I mean me and my clone were in… — Jarod Kintz Clone Copy Share Image
“I don’t understand people who eat Chinese food with chopsticks when the restaurant also offers silverware. As a tool, chopsticks are inferior… — Jarod Kintz Chinese food Copy Share Image
“Thomas Jefferson is by far the smartest president,” said Thomas Jefferson, about Thomas Jefferson, and to Thomas Jefferson. Even though he was… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love isn’t measured in feet and miles, it’s measured in hands and hands on. (Yesterday at 3:33 pm I spoke to the… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“If I were stranded in the woods with nothing to eat but nuts, berries, and the complete works of Allen Ginsberg, I’d… — Jarod Kintz Ginsberg Copy Share Image
“As an animal lover, I don’t like zoos. I feel the only creatures that should be caged behind bars are politicians, lobbyists,… — Jarod Kintz Animal lover Copy Share Image
“The moveless man moves along like the mist. The mist doesn’t hide, but all things are hidden in it—including the fog. Love… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Put the number seven in front of a mirror and what do you have? If you answered 77, then perhaps you talk… — Jarod Kintz Mathematics Copy Share Image
“I called my father, but he pretended to be sleeping at first, then claimed not to know me, and then claimed I… — Jarod Kintz Middle of the night Copy Share Image
“Apple is the Ferrari of the computer world. I’m not sure if the “engine” is superior, however, but the frame sure is… — Jarod Kintz Computers Copy Share Image
“Dating is all about getting to know somebody, without wasting a lot of time or money. What is the price of love?… — Jarod Kintz Assembly line Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You looked so beautiful that I felt compelled to say something. So I said, “The fish… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“Through the miracle of science, or divine intervention, a brick could be made soft, like Jell-O, and a blanket could be made… — Jarod Kintz Divine intervention Copy Share Image
“Dear Mr. Peacock, I miss your plumage, and I’m flummoxed by your plummeting desire to be desired. You’re like an albino in… — Jarod Kintz Dwell on the past Copy Share Image
“Love walked in the door like a dusty cowboy, and I looked that cowboy dead in his eyes and said, “I thought… — Jarod Kintz Death Copy Share Image
“Before I walked into the door, the room got shades darker as a cloud did a summersault in front of the sun.… — Jarod Kintz Fifth grade Copy Share Image
