Funny Quotes · Page 980

Big Poppa Pump is your hook up, and the next heavyweight championship of the world!

— Scott Steiner

Comedy is a meritocracy. If you are funny, you are there. If you are not, you are out.

— Kevin Feige

Fool me once shame on me, fool me twice shame on you, fool me 45,000 times and your a god damn weather man.

— Anonymous

We shall be judged by what we do, not by how we felt while we were doing it.

— Kenneth Tynan

Things are always at their best in their beginning.

— Blaise Pascal

Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them.

— George Lopez

Learning how to be a good reader is what makes you a writer.

— Zadie Smith

“I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might…

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

How can the Jews be blamed for rejecting what was never offered?

— John Hagee

I would do it today because the thing that appealed to me was not necessarily the mechanics of the robot, but it…

— John Badham

Good architecture lets nature in.

— Mario Pei

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.

— Anonymous

Discipline - Success doesn't just happen. You have to be intentional about it, and that takes discipline.

— John C. Maxwell

The show is definitely not just about weight-loss physically. It's more about finding yourself. It's really funny because I realized at one…

— Raven Goodwin

I do not know how to make poems

— Henri Michaux

It's not about the shoes, it's what you do in them.

— Michael Jordan

The Parish makes the constable, and when the constable is made, he governs the Parish.

— John Selden

You are what you listen to

— Alicia Keys

Nothing is won without enthusiasm.

— Winston Churchill

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.

— Mae West

Without freedom there can be no morality.

— Carl Jung

If I have ever said anything to insult you, please let me know, I might wanna say it again!

— Anonymous

Who invented King Arthur's round table? Sir Cumference!

— Jeffrey Sarpong

Do not read this

— Ash Sweeney

It's funny how people who ain't never been down there can think that America is so fair and that we should be…

— Ice Cube

I just thought it was better to be Pete Best than Linda McCartney

— Justine Frischmann

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

— Woody Allen

“She'd made him watch every Alien movie. Most of the goriest scenes were accompanied by his dialogue: 'Ach, that's no' - that's…

— Kresley Cole

I guess I didn't enjoy drawing very much. It was like homework.

— Robert Crumb

A snake bite emergency kit is a body bag.

— Mitch Hedberg

A lot of what I think is funny is usually through some sort of character, or speaking earnestly one second and then…

— Patti Harrison

There will always be war, but we must always work to oppose it.

— Shunryu Suzuki

I thought a thought which I never thought that it would be thought by me.

— Vikrant Parsai

If I'd known it was harmless, I'd have killed it myself!

— Philip K. Dick

Well, I hope before Glenn goes, he'll come up here so we can give him a big hug and a kiss, because…

— Jerry Coleman

Faith in Jesus must be personal but it cannot be private.

— Rick Warren

There is no road towards peace; peace is the road

— Mahatma Gandhi

In the grand collage that is Dada, past and future are equally usable.

— Andrei Codrescu

MARRIAGE, Is a book in which the first chapter is written in poetry and the rest of the book is prose;

— Nikhil Saluja

Instead of using your thoughts, become your thoughts

— Paulo Coelho