That should be the anti-speeding advert. It should be footage of Richard Hammond trying to remember his own wedding day. — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Why do porn sites have a Share To Facebook button??? Who watches porn and thinks, You kno who would really enjoy this????… — Kevin McCarty Copy Share Image
As a professional journalist, I have always been fascinated by people who appear to have even more spare time than I do. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Women are like internet viruses they enter your life, scan your pocket, edit your mind, download their problems, delete your smile... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My favorite app is 'StumbleUpon,' because it just gives you interesting things that are sometimes exactly the stuff I'm interested in and… — Christine Quinn Copy Share Image
“He had waited until I had my door open, then driven away. The perfect gentleman. Sort of like Dracula just before he… — Toni Andrews Copy Share Image
I've never worked in my natural accent, having studied so hard to get rid of it when I moved to England as… — Gina Bellman Copy Share Image
“He grinned at Azriel. 'You handing Eris's ass to him will be my new fantasy at night, by the way.' Azriel didn't… — Sarah J. Maas Copy Share Image
I like that 'Scrubs' is very funny and silly and broad, but also emotional and real - sometimes within the same scene. — Brett Goldstein Copy Share Image
“I know I'm not funny. I mean, let's face it, I'm no Groucho Marx. But if you're a guy, and you're watching… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
I wrote a script, and I gave it to a guy who reads scripts, and he read it, and he liked it,… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“When selecting a one-night stand, a heterosexual woman who is materialistic is a trillion times more likely to choose a sexually unattractive… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Cobain the writer is funny and self-aware and snotty with a knack for off-the-cuff profundity. Remarking to a friend that his band… — Karan Mahajan Copy Share Image
Thinks that when you are trying to explain something to some people, you really need to break it down BARNEY-style for them. — Ash Sweeney Copy Share Image
“Listen, I didn’t ask for a face and body girls find attractive. But thanks to the mixture of my parents’ DNA, I’ve… — Simone Elkeles Copy Share Image
I'm going to name drop like an idiot now, but Bono rang me up once, right? I don't know how he got… — Noel Fielding Copy Share Image
Craig McDean was probably one of the first people I shot with. I shot with him for years with Tommy Hilfiger and… — Jacquelyn Jablonski Copy Share Image
My favorite television show has changed throughout the years. I used to think 'Married... With Children' was really funny. But now that… — Blake Shelton Copy Share Image
I couldn't have invented crisps. ... I don't really want to be known as the man who invented crisps. ... I invented… — Noel Fielding Copy Share Image
People thought I was funny, so I kind of took entertaining for granted... it was inevitable that I'd start giving little performances. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
“He swallowed, and his voice was a bit rough, but he was "You know, I think moving is key to this whole… — K.A. Mitchell Copy Share Image
“I've got a cab waiting so we sh-" he stopped speaking as he entered the sitting room, his eyes frozen on me.… — Samantha Young Copy Share Image
Underground, raw movies that come out of nowhere and change everything - they aren't slick-looking. But I have nothing against slick-looking as… — John Waters Copy Share Image
If I had a dollar for everytime someone over 40 told me my generation sucks, then I could afford a house in… — John Vercetti Copy Share Image
“I glance down his body. He's still wearing his shorts and his shirt, and I still have my T-shirt on. Jeez-- talk… — E.L. James Copy Share Image
The seminary of depths of pain has taught us this, What is the value of a human being and what constitutes humanity?… — Mohd Aariff Khan Copy Share Image
If I were to die of anything vaguely sex-related or had taken Viagra, you just know there'd be headlines of 'Russell How-hard'… — Russell Howard Copy Share Image
When I was a kid I had an imaginary friend and I used to think that he went everywhere with me, and… — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
Shave a gorilla and it would be almost impossible, at twenty paces, to distinguish him from a heavyweight champion of the world.… — H. L. Mencken Copy Share Image
High sticking, tripping, slashing, spearing, charging, hooking, fighting, unsportsmanlike conduct, interference, roughing…everything else is just figure skating. — Scotty Bowman Copy Share Image
“Helion braced a hand on the door frame and grinned. 'How'd you convince Thesan to give you the better view?' 'He finds… — Sarah J. Maas Copy Share Image
“Elizabeth." I feel my smile on my face as I understand what she is doing. Though it's a strange one, she has… — Shay Savage Copy Share Image
I'm honoring you this Boss's Day by spending only half my workday on email, social media, dating sites, and pornography. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I have an idea for sweatshops: air conditioning! That's simple. 14 year old boys working twelve hour days? "Yeah, but they're comfortable!" — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Computers have enabled people to make more mistakes faster than almost any invention in history, with the possible exception of tequila and… — Mitch Ratcliffe Copy Share Image
The old water heater in my dressing room was working, but it was kind of tired. It gave off about as much… — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
“I knew it!" he cried, jubilant. "I thought 'twas you, but there's more of you now. You should've seen the likes of… — Tamora Pierce Copy Share Image
It took forever for me to get work because I was a political comic, and now it's become good business, and God… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
“How did you get in here?' (...) 'How I got here isn't important, because I could do it twenty times again, each… — Rachel Aaron Copy Share Image
For students today, only 10 percent of children from working-class families graduate from college by the age of 24 as compared to… — Patrick J. Kennedy Copy Share Image
