It has long been recognized by public men of all kinds. . . that statistics come under the head of lying, and… — Hilaire Belloc Copy Share Image
I want to have not only the good side of life but the bad side of life. And the both combined is… — Stromae Copy Share Image
It's a funny thing, life... as much as you don't want the sun to come up, it comes up the next day.… — Glenn McGrath Copy Share Image
Million dollar idea for a sci-fic movie: A world just like ours but with one key difference. When your phone dies, YOU… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
There weren't any funny people in sports or the Spanish club. All the really creative, witty, funny people that made your belly… — Sean Hayes Copy Share Image
Television is of great educational value. It teaches you while still young how to (a) kill, (b) rob, (c) embezzle, (d) shoot,… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
I go through regular problems. It's funny - there's still two sides to me: the normal one and the work one. I… — Tate McRae Copy Share Image
Australia is not very exclusive. On the visa application they still ask if you've been convicted of a felony - although they… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
“WHY did she do this? She was a terrible drunk texter. All the things she wanted to say to people during the… — Harriet Evans Copy Share Image
“...so much has been laid on the sunset—heavy-handed metaphors, sentimental music. Everyone’s always walking into them, and that is some very intense… — Kirk Farber Copy Share Image
If the professor doesn't show up to class in the first 15 minutes, you get to leave. Somebody make that a law, please. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Just because swans mate for life, I don't think its that big a deal. First of all, if you're a swan, you're… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When an illness knocks you on your ass, you should stay down and relax for a while before trying to get back… — Candea Core-Starke I Enjoy Convalescence It Is The Part That Makes The Illness Worthwhile George Bernard Shaw Copy Share Image
Yes, I am thoroughly enjoying retirement! The best part is observing my neighbors drive off to work in the morning knowing that… — Bill Kalmar Copy Share Image
Porsche is a driver's car - a performance car. That was funny - here's this awesome car, but it's got no cup… — Jason McCoy Copy Share Image
It was funny to hear that I'd slapped Bieber. I thought it was a joke. Then it blew up. I probably got… — Blake Griffin Copy Share Image
“In between bites of banana, Mr. Remora would tell stories, and the children would write the stories down in notebooks, and every… — Lemony Snicket Copy Share Image
People who have picture-perfect upbringings and lives tend not to be funny. I don't think they write from a position of pain. — Alex Borstein Copy Share Image
“He’s a pretty serious believer.’ ‘Yeah? Funny how it doesn’t get in the way of his commercial life.’ ‘Yeah, well. Organised religion,… — Richard K. Morgan Copy Share Image
It is only his wife who stands by her husband like a rock and cheers him up through ups and downs and… — Mak_786 Copy Share Image
I like it when you reach into a vending machine to grab your candy bar, and that flap goes up to block… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“He asked what she was in for and complimented the find workmanship of her metal extremities, but she ignored him, making him… — Marissa Meyer Copy Share Image
The funny thing is, we teach - as a culture, we teach people that it's OK to talk about your fitness goals...… — Karamo Brown Copy Share Image
The NFL is boring, the NBA is disintegrating, baseball is totally predictable. Maybe we do need the XFL. Maybe we need Nude… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? — Pacifiersucker Copy Share Image
It sometimes takes days, even weeks, before a dog's nerves tire. In the case of terriers it can run into months. — E. B. White Copy Share Image
“I think one of the problems in this country is that too many people are screwing things up, committing crimes and then… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“It’s your right to have wishes and dreams. We all have them. It’s what makes us who we are – susceptible, stupid,… — J.C. Reed Copy Share Image
“Some people hate people who are overconfident, only because their overconfidence reminds them of their underconfidence.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“You don’t speak again, unless to use your safe word or yellow to indicate you’re frightened.” “I was at yellow the minute… — Cherise Sinclair Copy Share Image
“And he began to see his world as an amusing place where ridiculous things happened and where a man or woman could… — Alaska by James A. Michener Copy Share Image
Lars von Trier makes funny, radical movies, some packing power. But, he's not a provocateur. He's making adult movies for an adult… — Gaspar Noe Copy Share Image
“As the resident dude, Shane was responsible for the acquisition of party favors, like glow-in-the-dark necklaces and drinks. Non-alcoholic drinks for Claire,… — Rachel Caine Copy Share Image
I'm always fascinated by the dedicated monitors in a hospital. Non-standard cables, funny button shapes, odd LED colors, and lots of extra… — Brad Feld Copy Share Image
Guy says: Hey wanna hear a joke about my penis? Never mind, its too long. Girl says: Wanna hear a joke about… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Some women have kissed—and some are kissing—a lot of frogs, even though the very first man that they have each kissed was… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“Sylph and Jodi return to my side, each carrying a cloth sack full of chickweed. I wrap my arm around Sylph's waist… — C.J. Redwine Copy Share Image
I used to think it was so funny that plankton was married to his computer, but now I realized that's probably my… — Sponge Bob Copy Share Image
You have to go as hard as you possibly can, or it's going to be weak. Whenever I find myself not committing… — Lauren Lapkus Copy Share Image
I'm sure every pattern has been covered, but it's nice to think you might dwell on some that other people don't. — Richard Thompson Copy Share Image
