Ethical dilemmas have a way of sneaking up on a person. If something smells funny, stay away from it. Or help get… — Price Pritchett Copy Share Image
The funny thing in France is that writers are not allowed to retire, because the French government say you are still earning… — Peter Mayle Copy Share Image
I would love to be more specific, but really, any type of bird is the funniest animal. They have to move awkwardly… — Kurt Braunohler Copy Share Image
My friend had breast cancer and I came with her to the operation. We were taking funny pictures of her in her… — Lou Sanders Copy Share Image
Geologists claim that although the world is running out of oil, there is still a 200-hundred-year supply of brake fluid. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I didn't enjoy being a snake, and yet I appear to be doomed to be reminded of it for all eternity,' Cardan… — Holly Black Copy Share Image
“No tricks, Syn,” Ryder growled from where he stood a few feet away. “Tricks are for kids, silly rabbit,” I said” — Amelia Hutchins Copy Share Image
“Et peut-être la posterité me saura gré de lui avoir fait connaître que les Anciens n’ont pas tout su. ( And perhaps,… — Pierre De Fermat Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you think you know someone that you havent seen in years and approaches them screaming out their name… — Shaquille Solomon Copy Share Image
So why dont you start studying her heart and stop studying her booty, or maybe invest the same amount of time on… — Ana Copy Share Image
“What the hell happened to your leg?" Ang asked him. Matt looked down at his shin, which was scraped and oozing and… — Marie Sexton Copy Share Image
I'm not someone who shies away from darkness being funny. I think that life is very dark at times, and there are… — Brett Gelman Copy Share Image
Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
“This is where you all live?" Asked John as they ascended the stairs. "It's small." "This is just our Thanksgiving house," Scott… — Adam Rex Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when you put something in a safe place so you don't lose it and then forget where that safe… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Your relationship or marriage is dead or dying, if you almost always have to remind your partner to miss you (and/or they… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“It's funny. I thought she'd live through anything." Charlie said, "Me too. I figured even if there was a nuclear war, it… — Neil Gaiman Copy Share Image
I looked on my stomach and saw Frieda Rebecca, white as flour with the cream that covers new babies, funny little dark… — Sylvia Plath Copy Share Image
There is no such thing as Intelligence; one has intelligence of this or that. One must have intelligence only for what one… — Edgar Degas Copy Share Image
“I' before 'E' except after 'C', and when sounded like 'ay' as in neighbor and weigh, and on weekends and holidays, and… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I think Irish women are strong as horses, incredibly loyal and for the most part, funny, witty, bright and optimistic in the… — Fionnula Flanagan Copy Share Image
I miss you when I'm not with you. When I'm not with you all I do is think about you. When I… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Nothing better than a reality show where everyone's speaking English yet they still need subtitles to be understood. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I had to take a physical to do this show. They had a lot of weird questions like, "Have you ever tried… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“First draft blues: "He tested the stick and glanced at the set handbrake. With his feet he felt the accelerator, the brake,… — J. Gunnar Grey Copy Share Image
You know when a company wants to use letters in their phone number, but often they'll use too many letters? "Call 1-800-I-Really-Enjoy-Brand-New-Carpeting."… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Its funny because Im playing a dad in some scenes in Breaking Dawn and Im portraying one in a movie Im doing… — Robert Pattinson Copy Share Image
I detest jokes - when somebody tells me one, I feel my IQ dropping; the brain cells start to disappear. But something… — Johnny Depp Copy Share Image
Girls, you know it's all just a game to them, relationships. Just go around stomping on everyone… I mean, look at this… — Robert Pattinson Copy Share Image
People are too afraid of uptown. A lot of people will tell you, like, "Don't go to Harlem. You can never go… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
“Unfortunately for the Culver Creek Nothings, we weren't playing the deaf-and-blind school. We were playing some Christian school from downtown Birmingham, a… — John Green Copy Share Image
I pray for wisdom to understand a man, love to forgive him, and patience for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“As you proceed through life, following your own path, birds will shit on you. Don't bother to brush it off. Getting a… — Joseph Campbell Copy Share Image
“That’s the key, you know, confidence. I know for a fact that if you genuinely like your body, so can others. It… — Dawn French Copy Share Image
Birdy birdy in the sky Dropped a poopy in my eyes, I do not worry I do not cry I am just… — Shubham Pal Copy Share Image
I was in a hotel room in Dallas, and I was jerking off so much and so sadly and pathetically, that the… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Messy females talk noise, stupid hoes chase boys, ignorant tricks follow dick and bad bitches get rich. Good girls are made of… — Diamond Makayla Copy Share Image
“Most sane human beings who are over the age of six usually act or react not as per what they genuinely feel… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Glenn was the one who invited me to join the Eagles in 1974, and it turned out to be a gift of… — Don Felder Copy Share Image
I guess the more serious you play something, if the context is funny, then it will be funny and it doesn't really… — Jesse Eisenberg Copy Share Image
