TEMPER TANTRUMS: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
You know you're a redneck when you go to a parade and they throw out corn on the cob and hand out… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I feel that I owe a lot to SpongeBob and all Bikini Bottom for helping me figure out what I thought was… — David Dobrik Copy Share Image
Change is a measure of time and, in the autumn, time seems speeded up. What was is not and never again will… — Edwin Way Teale Copy Share Image
Welcome the One that has kissed you from within. It is from inside everything comes. — Mooji Copy Share Image
I did not intend to write a funny book, at first. I did not know I was a humorist. I have never… — Jerome K. Jerome Copy Share Image
Parker's grand slam is the same as going 4 for 4, even though he went 1 for 4. — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
My eyes are different sizes, my nose is too broad at the bridge and squishes up when I laugh, and my lips… — Terry Farrell Copy Share Image
After more than half a century (Sleeping Beauty), Disney finally know what the meaning of true love (Maleficent). — Alvin Copy Share Image
*Every Morning* Me: I'm sorry but I really can't stay. Bed: But baby it's so cold outside... — Lamartimothy Copy Share Image
I dread no more the first white in my hair, Or even age itself, the easy shoe, The cane, the wrinkled hands,… — Edna St Vincent Millay Copy Share Image
“The great William Shakespeare said, "What's in a name?" He also said, "Call me Billy one more time and I will stab… — Cuthbert Soup Copy Share Image
If you listen to your own voice, unknown friends will come and seek you. — Megan McDonald Copy Share Image
Constance Wu is so dedicated, Anna Kendrick is ridiculously funny, and Blake Lively is magnetic. — Henry Golding Copy Share Image
That's just something instinctual within men. We always feel like we've got to protect our stuff. Even if it's not worth protecting,… — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
A push up bra is like a bag of chips; you open the bag and it's half empty. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you listen to a song and get an image in your head, and then you go home and watch mtv and… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
The challenge of ultrarunning is 90 percent mental, and the other 10 percent is all in our heads — Ray Zahab Copy Share Image
My biggest ritual is writing at home more than on the road. I do very little writing on the road. Actually, it's… — Chris Young Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when you have a thousand tabs open and one starts talking; 'CONGRATULATIONS, YOU WON!' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I want to make a picture about the Russian secret police - the GOP. — Samuel Goldwyn Copy Share Image
Golf: A game in which you claim the privileges of age and retain the playthings of youth. — Samuel Johnson Copy Share Image
Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Some old women and men grow bitter with age; the more their teeth drop out, the more biting they get. — George D. Prentice Copy Share Image
As humourless a lump of dough as ever held a torchlight vigil outside the South African Embassy or stuck an AIDS awareness… — Stephen Fry Copy Share Image
