“And you’re overthinking things, Charming. Do the math. Naked, interested man, check. Wet, willing woman, double check. Now insert part A into… — Jane Cousins Copy Share Image
To have seen Italy without having seen Sicily is to not have seen Italy at all, for Sicily is the clue to… — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Copy Share Image
Police officer to a drunk Guy:How high are u? Drunk guy:no officer that's wrong English,y0u sh0uld say….Hi! How are you? — Melchor Lim Copy Share Image
“Oh gosh, it's moving! It's so gross! Can't you just, like, flex your butt or something? Why, yes. Travis clenched his teeth.… — Rachel Van Dyken Copy Share Image
I've always been funny, but I never considered it as a particular career path until my early 30s, when I realized that… — Amanda Seales Copy Share Image
I love Kate Moss. I've worked with her a couple of times, and she is a great girl, really funny and easy… — Twiggy Copy Share Image
“Is this why you think you are chosen by God, because only you can understand the funnies that you make about yourself?” — Jonathan Safran Foer Copy Share Image
It's kind of sad to say now - I mean, it's funny because it worked out - but I told my mom… — Kelsey Plum Copy Share Image
They seal the subway change-booth guy up inside this thing with bullet-proof glass, closed in on all sides, it's like some kind… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Truly love you endlessly. Every day without you is like a book without pages. I love you, I will always do, for… — F Abahusain Copy Share Image
My knowledge of the universe is that if I write stupid jokes, the universe gives me a really nice house and great… — Joel Klein Copy Share Image
By nature, I am a materialist... It is exactly these impingements upon our sense of touch and so forth that I'm interested… — Carl Andre Copy Share Image
Some BOY's hold their Girlfriend's hand in malls Bcoz if they leave her hand she'll start shopping.. It looks Romantic but actually… — Unkown Copy Share Image
“Look!" Mr. Poe said, who was still too far to help but close enough to see. "Genghis has an eye tattoo, like… — Lemony Snicket Copy Share Image
That heightened dynamic can produce interesting, funny ideas that are phrased in ways that surprise even you, as the performer. — Ted Alexandro Copy Share Image
“I was beginning to think that Simon just had a bad case of OCD, ADD, and PMS. With a little BS and… — Dannika Dark Copy Share Image
The BBC say we need more working-class comedies, which is rubbish. We need funny comedies; it doesn't matter where they come from. — June Whitfield Copy Share Image
The thing I try to get across to the writers - and I do a lot of writing, too - is that… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
My mother told me that life isn't always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I loved being in the film called 'Carnal Knowledge' - the one with Jack Nicholson, which was very dark but a really… — Rita Moreno Copy Share Image
This Memorial Day weekend, it is important to remember those who lost their battle to be swimsuit-ready by summer. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I love gritty dramas, 'Queen Sugar,' 'True Detective' - stuff like that, but I also love quippy comedies - those multi-cam comedies… — Ser'Darius Blain Copy Share Image
My grandma passed in '78, and that's the year I started recording. It's also the year that my dad retired from his… — Carlene Carter Copy Share Image
I like how the Ninja Turtles wear masks. Good way to hide your identity, its not like your a giant turtle or… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Peter Falk and Denis Leary today walked into a Starbucks and shot 27 people, without any announcement whatsoever. — Denis Leary Copy Share Image
The creed of the Inland Revenue is simple: "If we can bring one little smile to one little face today, then somebody's… — David Frost Copy Share Image
Sitcoms are designed for normal people who just want to turn on their TV and get a laugh. It's not high-brow, you… — Megyn Price Copy Share Image
I think if steroids are illegal for athletes why aint photoshop illegal for sum dez ratchet bitches on Facebook...IG & Twitter — IG:caonte_2_funny Copy Share Image
I was raised by women. Now I'm raising women. I was always better around girls. I live in an all-female household. I… — Aaron Taylor-Johnson Copy Share Image
When you're young and you get to choose between sleep and sex you take sex everytime. You start getting older, you get… — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
It's funny: I've joked that 'Sharp Objects,' 'To the Bone,' and 'Dietland' are my self-harm trilogy, and each one is a different… — Marti Noxon Copy Share Image
“Ah, well, when you explain it like that, it seems obvious," said Mudge. "Of course, it always seems obvious once it's been… — Theodora Goss Copy Share Image
Funny people come from all over. I think Michigan has dark humor on lock, though. Michigan, to me, is equal parts beautiful… — Paul Walter Hauser Copy Share Image
After the 1984 Summer Olympics, Reagan wanted to add the U.S. volleyball team to his Cabinet. He figured if they can't shove… — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
“Jen felt a hand rest at the nape of her neck as a voice spoke softly next to her ear, "If you… — Quinn Loftis Copy Share Image
I firmly believe that if the whole material medica, as now used, could be sunk to the bottom of the sea, it… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The family - that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to. — Dodie Smith Copy Share Image
My dad is funny in his own way, and so is my brother, but in terms of legitimately making a lot of… — Mindy Kaling Copy Share Image
“Dick called, but he just left dirty voice-mail messages. Let's just say if I'm ever in the market for a massage involving… — Molly Harper Copy Share Image
“Let's see that wrist." I held it out, and Chase's jaw tightened. "Look at that!" the medic shouted, staring over my shoulder… — Kristen Simmons Copy Share Image
