“Daddy,” said the toddler, now seething with righteous indignation, “you are a poo-poo head!” Feigning outrage, JFK lowered his voice. “John,” he… — Christopher Andersen Copy Share Image
It's funny, a lot of people think I take myself seriously because I come off so serious sometimes. But it's not that… — Laurence Fishburne Copy Share Image
Funny money has always been the reason housing prices have risen too fast. First, it was liar loans and negative-amortizing mortgages, where… — Glenn Kelman Copy Share Image
I find anger to be funny. I find people that are so wrapped up in their own personalities to be funny, and… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
“I stared at Irys. My Story Weaver had to be laughing his blue ass off right now. My future appeared to be… — Maria V. Snyder Copy Share Image
I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Hitchcock had a charm about him. He was very funny at times. He was incredibly brilliant in his field of suspense. — Tippi Hedren Copy Share Image
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Thank you for completely ignoring our wedding registry and instead getting us something you thought we should have but that we'll never… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“An hour later, a nameless, cold-faced man returned with a tray of fresh pasta, warm bread, and a few bags of brand… — Mimi Jean Pamfiloff Copy Share Image
It's funny how I'm not over you , I try & try to forget you but I can't , & you ?… — Leslyloop Copy Share Image
Humanism was not invented by man, but by a snake who suggested that the quest for autonomy might be a good idea. — R. C. Sproul Copy Share Image
Love' is the perfect binge watch series for the weekend. The show is funny, real, in your face, all about love, yet… — Shweta Basu Prasad Copy Share Image
“A writer’s brain is full of little gifts, like a piñata at a birthday party. It’s also full of demons, like a… — Colin Nissan Copy Share Image
I was raised by extremely strict - but also extremely loving - Chinese immigrant parents, and I had the most wonderful childhood!… — Amy Chua Copy Share Image
Outlandish lyrics sung by smiling people in perfect harmony. Has that edge of surprise...a little nuts and really funny. — Mick LaSalle Copy Share Image
I feel bad for people who have never been addicted to anything, because they're the real losers. You want to know why?… — Marc Maron Copy Share Image
You're such a great boss you deserve to be on Mount Rush more. We'll handle things here until you get back. Happy… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Elsewhere in Italy is the lovely city of Venice, which each year attracts millions of visitors despite the fact that it is… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I don't talk about my hair anymore because I've matured. I matured and realized it doesn't matter what you look like. It's… — Garry Shandling Copy Share Image
“Staying relaxed was helping him cope with the drug induced juddering vision that could be best described as being like a Hitchcockian… — Dylan Perry Copy Share Image
When your about to criticize someone walk a mile in thier shoes, that way when you criticize them you're a mile away… — Ann Brashares Copy Share Image
Ive always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you cant judge a book by its cover but who wants to have… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Despite a lifetime of service to the cause of sexual liberation, I have never caught venereal disease, which makes me feel rather… — Germaine Greer Copy Share Image
If some one breaks your trust , just punch them in the jaw . Seriously , just punch them in the jaw… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I have an underwater camera just in case I crash my car into a river, and at the last minute I see… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“And you'd think that killing people would make them like you, but it doesn't. It just- it just makes them dead.” — Joe Walker (as Voldemort in AVPM Copy Share Image
“We were in the middle of a scene, and this crazy woman comes roaring out of the crowd, screaming, grabs my whip,… — Cherise Sinclair Copy Share Image
“Women will buy products in an attempt to become the impossible goal. Men will buy products in an attempt to mate with… — David McRaney Copy Share Image
Is everything funny? For me, yes. There's a positive to every negative. Even my divorce? For me, yes. If you go back… — Kevin Hart Copy Share Image
“They're not going to arrest you,' Skulduggery said as they walked through the door. 'They might glare at you and say angry… — Derek Landy Copy Share Image
I'm the type of person that tries to make everyone happy, but when I need someone to make me happy, there's no… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I've heard that my father was a really funny man in company, but I never got to see that side of him.… — Michael McIntyre Copy Share Image
When I was little, I used to fall asleep on the sofa and wake up in bed. Now, I pass out on… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I've noticed that when people are joking they're usually dead serious, and when they're serious, they're usually pretty funny. — Jim Morrison Copy Share Image
My hope is that we can spread the word: Wonder Woman is not some unapproachable goddess. She's funny, dangerous, intimidating, brilliant, and… — Gail Simone Copy Share Image
I walk into the clubhouse today and it's like walking into the Mayo Clinic. We have four doctors, three therapists and five… — Tommy Lasorda Copy Share Image
It's truly a new day ever since we graced the WWE Universe with our presence. Every time we come out there, you… — Kofi Kingston Copy Share Image
I remember the 'Jenny McCarthy Show' being kind of funny, and I remember her being just like one of the boys. I… — Nikki Glaser Copy Share Image
I have covered myself in meat many times. Many times for the sake of comedy. It wasn't always funny, but I did… — Sarah Sherman Copy Share Image
