The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever seen that… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
We start dying when we have nothing worth living for. And we don't really start living until we find something worth dying… — Mark Batterson Copy Share Image
“After the murderous attacks on September 11th, I had an overwhelming need to know what people hated most about America so we… — Scott Haas Copy Share Image
“An amusing story? She jabs the call button as if poking an eye. She doesn’t want an amusing story, she wants change,… — David Nicholls Copy Share Image
10 year old's have a Blackberry, an iPad, a laptop, and a Facebook... When I was 10, I felt cool with my new markers. — Amit Verma Copy Share Image
“Jude never loved Locke.' My face feels hot, but my shame is an excellent cover to hide behind. 'She loved someone else.… — Holly Black Copy Share Image
“Honestly, Clary, if you don't start utilizing a bit of your natural feminine superiority I just don't know what I'll do with… — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
“In Norwegian that would be 'hun ma dra. Kanskje er hun gravid.'" Astley sttempts to smile. i can't help teasing him. "Which?… — Carrie Jones Copy Share Image
My freedom consists in my moving about within the narrow frame that I have assigned myself for each one of my undertakings. — Richard Diebenkorn Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. We couldn't decide on a sunrise. You wanted a tan, I only cared about the view.… — Bauvard Copy Share Image
“This kind of mixing of ingredients happens all the time at fast-food places... You know when you order french fries and there's… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
This is a young man who is only 25, and you have to say, her has answered every question that has ever… — David Coleman Copy Share Image
It's kind of funny the way it happened - the way I became a goalie. I was playing forward on this one… — Martin Brodeur Copy Share Image
If something is very, very funny but possibly controversial, if it's truly funny, then it's worth doing. Things aren't worth doing for… — John Mulaney Copy Share Image
“Getting seasick?" the inspector asked him at one point. "No. Just sick of myself." "Why?" "Because every now and then I realize… — Andrea Camilleri Copy Share Image
Welcome to 'Who's Line Is It Anyway' the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right the points… — Drew Carey Copy Share Image
Do you know what's the saddest quote ever created by the funniest man in the world? , I love walking in the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
During job interviews, when they ask: 'What is your worst quality?', I always say: 'Flatulence'. That way I get my own office. — Dan Thompson Copy Share Image
What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out.… — Billy Connolly Copy Share Image
BizarreSignBoard: Please Be Safe - Do not stand, sit, climb or lean on zoo fences. If you fall, animals could eat you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
How do you know when your girlfriend is putting on too much weight? She starts fitting into your wife's clothes. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I never smoked. I never drank and I never took drugs. The funny thing is, nothing is more boring, people like this.… — Karl Lagerfeld Copy Share Image
“It's just...how do I put this? Maybe it's just hard for me to imagine turning down something that's so much harder for… — Liz Czukas Copy Share Image
I have a really dry sense of humor. I don't think it's funny when people wink at the camera. That's more of… — Topher Grace Copy Share Image
Fame is sexy. And women are meant to find men who are funny sexy. But not me. Absolutely not me. Clearly I… — Michael McIntyre Copy Share Image
I wasn't a guy who grew up wanting to be in 'Funny Girl,' if you know what I mean. I wanted to… — Dennis DeYoung Copy Share Image
In a sense, one can never read the book that the author originally wrote, and one can never read the same book… — Edmund Wilson Copy Share Image
I was the class podiatrist. I never made it to class clown. I wasn't funny enough. I would examine feet and prescribe… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
When you're a father you censor yourself. You get just as angry with a child but you don't want to say, "What… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
“Death devours not only those who have been cooked by old age; it also feasts on those who are half-cooked and even… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Appeasement, said Winston Churchill, consists of being nice to a crocodile in the hope that he will eat you last. At the… — John Naughton Copy Share Image
For Daylight Savings Time I think we should spring forward at 4:00 p.m. on a Friday, and fall back at 9:00 p.m.… — Laura S Copy Share Image
Did you know if you yell 'Bloody Mary' 3 times in the mirror at 3am your mom will show up and tell… — Emaliebaby Copy Share Image
“HIGGINS [*snatching a chocolate cream from the piano, his eyes suddenly beginning to twinkle with mischief*] Have some chocolates, Eliza. LIZA [*halting,… — George Bernard Shaw Copy Share Image
It's funny, you'll probably find me more often watching soccer than a football game, because I get enough football in my daily… — Eric Reid Copy Share Image
People have said to me for a long time, "Man you're funny." I say, "Well, I'm quick," but being funny on purpose,… — Denzel Washington Copy Share Image
“We'll do the warm-up, and then we're moving into some core work.' She gaped. Her... core? 'Abdominals,' he clarified, and pink washed… — Sarah J. Maas Copy Share Image
As far as I'm concerned, 'The Caretaker' is funny up to a point. Beyond that, it ceases to be funny, and it… — Harold Pinter Copy Share Image
Sarina can be serious at times, but she's also funny. She makes us laugh a lot on the training ground with her… — Alex Greenwood Copy Share Image
![“HIGGINS [*snatching a chocolate cream from the piano, his eyes suddenly beginning to twinkle with mischief*] Have some chocolates, Eliza. LIZA [*halting, tempted*] How do I know what might be in them? I've heard of girls being drugged by the like of you. *Higgins whips out his penknife; cuts a…” quote by George Bernard Shaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/27a/george-bernard-shaw-68_bernard-shaw_higgins-snatching-a-chocolate-cream-from_2692762.jpg)
