Janetty tried to dive through the window to escape, what an act of cowardice. — Bobby Heenan Copy Share Image
Once you have money, you can quite truthfully affirm that money isn't everything. — Louis Kronenberger Copy Share Image
There are no distant places any longer: the world is small and the world is one. — Wendell Willkie Copy Share Image
What was worse, he couldn't tell her how much he thought he maybe might kinda sorta love her. — Gena Showalter Copy Share Image
OMFG LMAO hahaha I said that to someone and they walked away like WTF and I just laughed so hard I cried! — Celeste Hartman Copy Share Image
With improv, it's a combination of listening and not trying to be funny. — Kristen Wiig Copy Share Image
Scientists have determined that the most irritating sound to the human ear is the sound of a knife cutting a glass bottle.… — Peter Sagal Copy Share Image
There comes a point in everyone's life that they need to make changes. Today I am going to change my socks and… — Tammi Post Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a lovely rug, a rug that just so happens to be covering a large hole, you… — Nicole McKay Copy Share Image
How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal… — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
“The amount of educational programming on television today is simply desensitizing. The only reason left to go to school is to see… — Bauvard Copy Share Image
“The issue concerned a minor matter of etiquette: How should the president be addressed by members of Congress? While hardly an earthshaking… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Rock and roll, big band, the blues. He loved them all. He would close his eyes and with a blissful smile begin… — Mitch Albom Copy Share Image
Justice Scalia and I served together on the D.C. Circuit. So his votes are not surprising to me. What I like about… — Ruth Bader Ginsburg Copy Share Image
Begin whatever you have to do: the beginning of a work stands for the whole. — Decimius Magnus Ausonius Copy Share Image
Let's commemorate our departed WWII veterans by eating German frankfurters and Italian sausages. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You are always free to choose what you do first, what you do second, and what you do not do at all — Brian Tracy Copy Share Image
If you're going to ride my ass at least pull my hair and make me scream! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I act, I act. When I sing, I sing. I don't put one over the other. Entertaining is what I do… — Irene Cara Copy Share Image
Want the most simple cure for childhood obesity? Ice cream trucks that don't stop. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The cat is in the sack, but the sack is not closed. The cat is in it, but it's open...and it's a… — Giovanni Trapattoni Copy Share Image
The shortest scary story ever: The last man on Earth sat in a room. There was a knock at the door. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
They are achieving nothing, they are suffering from casualties. Those casualties are increasing, not decreasing — Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf Copy Share Image
Jake Johnson wanted to make clear that he was the great American actor, not just the funny guy on 'New Girl.' — Colin Trevorrow Copy Share Image
You are the sum total of your dominating or most prominent thoughts. — Napoleon Hill Copy Share Image
Death is there to keep us honest and constantly remind us we are free. — Dan Fogelberg Copy Share Image
Speramus Meliora; Resurget Cineribus: We hope for better things; it shall rise from the ashes. — Charlie LeDuff Copy Share Image
One minute of kissing burns 26 calories,no wonder those sluts are damn skinny. — Carlos Banks Copy Share Image
Happy Mother's Day to a mom who shouldn't assume my graduation means the end of my financial dependency. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Don't fall for lines like, God protects his servants in the clergy from harm. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I shouldn't have driven home from the bar last night...especially since I walked there. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The problem is that as much as I cant force you to love me, I cant force myself to stop loving you. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
