Funny Quotes · Page 846

If we extend our senses, we will consequently extend our knowledge.

— Neil Harbisson

Well, it looks like the all-star balloting is about over, especially in the National and American Leagues.

— Jerry Coleman

I use the free Wi-Fi at Starbucks to complain to Starbucks about how slow their free Wi-Fi is.

— Anonymous

That awkward moment when you're that one friend who always gives relationship advice, but is still single.

— Anonymous

I'm going to be who I really am. I'm going to figure out what this is.

— Stephen Chbosky

My Mother's Day gift to you is not deleting the embarrassing comments you make on my Facebook Wall.

— Anonymous

I like seeing what the comedian thinks is funny, not just what they think I'll think is funny.

— Anthony Jeselnik

Economy is a subject which admits of being treated with levity, but it cannot so be disposed of.

— Henry David Thoreau

If somebody tells you that you smell, the best answer is: No its not me, your mouth is too close to your…

— J-Young

Until I became a parent, I thought children just naturally knew how to catch a ball, that catching was an instinctive biological…

— Dave Barry

I think I was always a class clown growing up and a funny kid. I never really knew how to channel that…

— Lauren Lapkus

Unlike singers, who can earn for years by singing one song, we artistes have to be on our toes all the time.…

— Binnu Dhillon

It's sad how the death of one earpiece of your headphones leaves the other to a life of neglect & uselessness for…

— Anonymous

“It wasn't funny." "Oh, mon coeur . It was the funniest thing I've ever heard." "Jude!" she cried, stomping her foot before…

— Victoria Dahl

My first proper kitchen was this funny little club that we set up in Mercer Street in Covent Garden. It got shut…

— Fergus Henderson

THAT AWKWARD MOMENT WHEN YOU ARE READING SOMEONES GRAPHIC TEE ANDIT LOOKS LIKE YOU ARE STARING AT THEIR BOOBS.. -

— Anonymous

In order to get a loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.

— Ritu Ghatourey

We are always in the place of beginning; there is no advance in infinity.

— Northrop Frye

You're always being led to your highest good, as long as you have the courage to listen.

— Marie Forleo

I love being married. Its so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

— Ritu Ghatourey

The most reluctant place to visit on your computer is the Download folder, because in there is very disorderly

— RK26

It's difficult isn't it, when you're in a Mosque and everyone's praying and you really enjoy leapfrog.

— Milton Jones

You can't learn passion, either you've got it or you haven't.

— Martin Parr

Congratulations on losing the weight we were all pretending you didn't need to lose.

— Anonymous

Do what is right because it is right; and leave it alone.

— Chiune Sugihara

Freedom is just another word for when you have NOTHING left to lose.

— Janis Joplin

I was frustrated. I was doing some bad movies, movies that I knew going in were not going to be great.

— Joan Chen

I can't see that it's wrong to give him a little legal experience before he goes out to practice law.

— John F. Kennedy

Admit it ... you've always wanted to see what it would be like to meet yourself.

— Anonymous

That one song on your iPod that plays real loud and scares the shit out of you.

— Anonymous

Don't see beyond future because you will ended up fogetting to put on your own pant.

— Redley

The enduring is something which must be accounted for. One cannot simply shrug it off.

— Walker Percy

It is only the very wisest and the very stupidest who never change.

— Confucius

Ask 'What' and 'When.' The 'How' will naturally be revealed.

— Marshall Sylver

People are far more interested in what works than what's true.

— Andy Stanley

Hahahahahahahahhaahah! This is funny for so many reasons :)

— Anonymous

From the earliest memories I have, I liked physical, funny things.

— Bill Irwin

I can take the mick out of myself so whatever anyone has got to say about me I still find it funny.

— Gemma Collins

Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers.

— Socrates

... you must not expect to find that people understand what they do.

— John Steinbeck