I'm bi-lots of things but lingual isn't one of them. Wait, did I mean to say that? — Triple H Copy Share Image
Comedians don't laugh. They're too busy analyzing why it's funny or not. — James Lipton Copy Share Image
It's better to become who God created you to be than to try to promote yourself to become something you're not. — Joel Osteen Copy Share Image
“The thing about being an unstoppable force is that you can really only enjoy the experience of being one when you have… — Allie Brosh Copy Share Image
My name is "A Pimp named Slickback" Wait... A Pimp?? ... Named Slickback. Yes, please say the whole thing if you would.… — Katt Williams Copy Share Image
When you're in the editing room, the dangerous thing is that it becomes like telling a joke again and again and again.… — Ridley Scott Copy Share Image
The easiest time to be funny is during a fairly serious situation. That way, you can break the ice. It's crazy, but… — Adam McKay Copy Share Image
And it's very, very funny When you've lots and lots of money To be horrible to those with none! Be horrible to… — Anna Russell Copy Share Image
I am such that person that, when I'm working, I'm like, 'Oh, what I wouldn't give for a weekend off!' And then,… — Cassidy Freeman Copy Share Image
I was foreign and Jewish, with a funny name, and was very small and hated sport, a real problem at an English… — Alain de Botton Copy Share Image
“A seemingly simple task like taking a bath or wearing a condom feels like multitasking to someone who suffers from hemiplegia or… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Put it out of your mind. In no time, it will be a forgotten memory. — Samuel Goldwyn Copy Share Image
Old ways will always remain unless some one invents a new way and then lives and dies for it — Elbert Hubbard Copy Share Image
Never ask old people how they are if you have anything to do that day. — Joe Restivo Copy Share Image
I'm actually not funny, I'm just mean, but people always think I'm joking... — Rohit Padhra Copy Share Image
“Waiters are the help, dear. It's like falling in love with a blender!” — Daniel Nayeri Copy Share Image
Boys are like busses, you wait for one for ages, then suddenly 3 come at the same time... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sometimes you just need to make a funny face, use a goofy expression, or do an impersonation with a accent. — J Gullang Copy Share Image
Congratulations to Snooki on proving everything every girl's parents ever told them is wrong. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Instrumental or mechanical science is the noblest and above all others, the most useful. — Leonardo da Vinci Copy Share Image
While we cannot always choose what happens to us, we can choose our responses. — Stephen Covey Copy Share Image
No one travelling on a business trip would be missed if he failed to arrive. — Thorstein Veblen Copy Share Image
If a secret is revealed, the person who has confided it to another is to be blamed. — Jean de la Bruyere Copy Share Image
Everyone always wins I love you more battles with me, but you will never win I miss you more;) — Rachel Copy Share Image
The awkward moment is when you see twins fighting and one calls the other ugly. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world. — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
Freedom comes not from resisting truth, but from applying it. — D. Todd Christofferson Copy Share Image
There are more men than women in mental hospitals...which just goes to show who's driving whom crazy. — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
I became very sensitive to what will happen to all this and all of us. — Albert Hofmann Copy Share Image
