This is a free country, madam. We have a right to share your privacy in a public place. — Peter Ustinov Copy Share Image
Looking for the good in everything is equally as misguided as looking for the bad in everything. — Joseph Curiale Copy Share Image
Liberace was Elton John and Lady Gaga before they even dreamed of it. — Jerry Weintraub Copy Share Image
Stop rationalizing, stop stewing. Get up out of your chair and start doing. — Denis Waitley Copy Share Image
You might want to put this in the back of your craw and think about it. — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
“Look,” she said, “apparently you bring out my inner slut. I’m not going to thank you for that.” Wyatt smiled that sexy… — Jill Shalvis Copy Share Image
“The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“and then she said, 'Let's play Truth or Dare' and then you fucked her." "Wait, you fucked her? In front of the… — John Green Copy Share Image
There are two types of people in this world: 1)People who tried to move an object with their mind at least once… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
But my comedy hero was Stephen Chow. His deadpan comedy, all the stuff he wrote like 'From Beijing with Love,' it's incredibly… — Jimmy O. Yang Copy Share Image
The funny thing is everybody wants to win a Super Bowl, and it really doesn't change anything in your daily life. — Devin McCourty Copy Share Image
That Awkward Moment when you turn your phone off for a really long time, and expect to have milliions of missed calls… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I think women have always been funny. But when Tina Fey became head writer at 'Saturday Night Live,' the culture shifted, and… — Cecily Strong Copy Share Image
They only live, who live for others, the rest are more dead than alive. — Swami Vivekananda Copy Share Image
Isn't it funny that Friday the 13th is before Valentines? Horror at its best! — Evan Ceaser Copy Share Image
Too many people, when they get old, think that they have to live by the calendar. — John Glenn Copy Share Image
Even excessive reprimand/reproach/censure can make someone resolute for success. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
But if i sit here and weep I'll be blown over by the slightest of breeze — Laura Marling Copy Share Image
Whatever is not nailed down is mine. What I can pry loose is not nailed down. — Collis Potter Huntington Copy Share Image
I think most Black women are funny. Whether we get credit or not, we just are; we're hilarious. — Janelle James Copy Share Image
Nicki Minaj being a judge on American Idol is like Taylor Swift giving relationship advice. — Miley McCormick Copy Share Image
When you have a bunch of cash in your wallet, you'll buy anything. But the last 10$ can last an entire week.. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
All marriages are same sex marriages. You get married and every night, it's the same sex. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I've been buried in IRAC so long, they should be paying my parents a military pension. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The manipulation of statistical formulas is no substitute for knowing what one is doing. — Hubert M. Blalock Copy Share Image
People say that nothing is impossible, but I do nothing everyday .. — Winnie The Pooh Copy Share Image
Got my fungal foot powder? Ah, it's a lifesaver, you know. I'd effectively be disabled if it weren't for these. — Steve Coogan Copy Share Image
I don't like comedy. I like funny things. I don't like comedy. Like, comedy movies are just, 'Oh Jesus.' — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Is it really hard to let go of someone or is it because you still hope there's a chance? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My boyfriend isn't allowed to watch E.T, why the fuck does he wanna watch his ex girlfriend find her way home. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
