“I try to hook you up every day. What's the point of calendars without dates?” — Lauren Kate Copy Share Image
There is so much Everything that Nothing is hidden quite nicely — Wislawa Szymborska Copy Share Image
Being a journalist, Hacker had no particular talent for reporting facts. — Jonathan Lynn Copy Share Image
“There is something funny about the human condition, and civilized intelligence makes fun of its own ideas.” — Saul Bellow Herzog Copy Share Image
“The show doesn’t go on because it’s ready; it goes on because it’s 11:30.” — Lorne Michaels Copy Share Image
“After reading some of my stories, I once had a friend say to me, "I'd love to spend five minutes in your… — Mark W Boyer Copy Share Image
Avocados, it's a food that ain't worth injuring yourself for. If it's a hassle to get into, leave it to the experts. — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
I'm not saying that women don't think about sex also. I'm saying that women are capable, for at least brief periods of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I feel sure that coups d'état would go much better if there were seats, boxes, and stalls so that one could see… — Edmond de Goncourt Copy Share Image
I don't know if I even consider myself a comedian really - I do comedic acting in some films and dramatic in… — Kristen Wiig Copy Share Image
Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income… — Tom Armstrong Copy Share Image
I think comedy and horror are very similar in that there's a very direct intention. So you're trying to be funny, or… — Evan Peters Copy Share Image
I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
All the superior religions had their growth between the Ganga and the Euphrates. — Swami Vivekananda Copy Share Image
An engineer is someone who is good with figures, but doesn't have the personality of an accountant. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If everything you do works, then you're not taking many risks and probably aren't innovating either. — Paul Buchheit Copy Share Image
The first law of dietetics seems to be: if it tastes good, it's bad for you. — Isaac Asimov Copy Share Image
I hope my complaints about the weather have made the weather seem comparatively less annoying. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I was about to hug someone sexy but then I head- butted the mirror... lol(: — Sharon Copy Share Image
“So does that mean if you won’t fuck me because I’m high, I could fuck you because you’re not?” — K.A. Mitchell Copy Share Image
But I think frustration is hilarious. One of my missions is to bring humor into fine art. It's sacred. — Wayne White Copy Share Image
When life gives you lemon, take the lemon close and have sex with his girlfriend — Charith Thilina Copy Share Image
Be fanatics. When it comes to being and doing and dreaming the best, be maniacs. — A. M. Rosenthal Copy Share Image
Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
“Earthquakes were extremely uncommon in this area. A dragon and a unicorn playing tag wasn't.” — Robert Lynn Asprin Copy Share Image
Teacher: Turn off your phone! yeah right, like that's gonna happen. *Puts on vibrate — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm an American, I don't have to see something to know it's stupid! — Tommy Smothers Copy Share Image
This Canada Day, I'd love to go out for some traditional Canadian cuisine if there was such a thing. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
... be indulgent toward those who ... are afraid of the aloneness that you trust. — Rainer Maria Rilke Copy Share Image
