Funny Quotes · Page 69

Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.

— Proverb

A wise saying is something you keep picking up off the floor in front of your fridge

— Robert Breault

With every day that goes by, there will be further reductions on what's left of the season

— David Stern

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished

— Hussein Nishah

Where I come from, they won't let me play with this rope. They think I might hurt myself.

— Will Rogers

I'm good looking, right? -Everyone

— Nikhil Saluja

The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.

— Kin Hubbard

You are what you are seen to be.

— Erik Spiekermann

Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

— Nikhil Saluja

High sticking, tripping, slashing, spearing, charging, hooking, fighting, unsportsmanlike conduct, interference, roughing......everything else is just figure skating.

— Scotty Bowman

My wife loves to shop at Bloomingdale's. I bring her mail there twice a week.

— Henny Youngman

There is no greater burden than choosing who to save.

— Kamahl

There's no such thing as non-existence.

— Nikhil Saluja

Typing faster because someone has just pissed you off on the Internet

— Anonymous

People always ask me why everyone calls me black (im white)...now I just tell them its because I'm gifted

— Luke Collins

I can pretend to be silly,but don't think I am really silly.

— Boboniu

“He wanted a faery. More than anything else in the world. He had already imagined exactly how it should happen. He would…

— Stefan Bachmann

Just be. Let your true nature emerge. Don't disturb your mind with seeking.

— Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

“I had a dream about you last night.. You were balancing ten tiny footballs on your nose while dancing with a turquoise…

— Amy Summers

Alma: I rather suspect her of being in love with him. Martin: Her own husband? Monstrous! What a selfish woman!

— Lady Randolph Churchill

Jenson Button is in the top ten, in eleventh position.

— Murray Walker

It's an awful risky thing to live

— Carl Rogers

That moment when the ugliest guy you know gets a girlfriend and your still single.

— Mario Tomasello

Nothing will ever be what the Voyager mission was,

— Carolyn Porco

Beauty is about enhancing what you have. Let yourself shine through.

— Janelle Monae

“I had a dream about you last night.. You pretended not to be a three hole punch.”

— Amy Summers

I will sit down now, but the time will come when you will hear me.

— Benjamin Disraeli

The death drive is parasitic. It runs off of other drives, leeching off of them.

— Christopher Bollen

There will never be any more perfection than there is now.

— Walt Whitman

I thought everybody was in on the joke. But I was the joke.

— Billie Joe Armstrong

If Pete Rose brings the Reds in first, they ought to bronze him and put him in cement.

— Jerry Coleman

LOVE, A word used to label the sexual excitement of the young, the habituation of the middle aged, and the mutual dependence…

— Nikhil Saluja

Mick Jagger's lips' so big, black people be going, "You got some big-ass lips!"

— Eddie Murphy

This really smart kid at my school got a 291 on a computer math test, and he's upset. while I'm over here…

— Anonymous

The man who asks a question is a fool for a minute, the man who does not ask is a fool for…

— Confucius

The expert in anything was always a beginner once

— Green Monk

If I’d a knowed more, I would a loved more.

— Toni Morrison

Truth - Something somehow discreditable to someone.

— H. L. Mencken

Hope never trickles down. It always springs up.

— Studs Terkel

I hate it when I meow at cats and they don't meow back.. Unbelievably rude..

— Anonymous