Find someone who will tremble for your touch, someone whose fingers are a poem. — Janet Fitch Copy Share Image
“Trust her; we girls are two sheets short of psycho when it comes to our special little time.” — Sandi Lynn Copy Share Image
Those who ran away are now outside the distant perimeter wall of the airport. Now they're outside the wall and the heroic… — Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf Copy Share Image
I go to the dentist every six months, I get a cleaning, so... I'm fortunate enough that those fluoride treatments as a… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
That awkward little dance your thumbs do when you don't know how to reply to someones text — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Murder is always a mistake. One should never do anything that one cannot talk about after dinner. — Oscar Wilde Copy Share Image
When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never,… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“What’s so funny?” I asked, horrified, trying to think of an inconspicuous way to check my breath. “Of everything you’ve done, this… — Kiera Cass Copy Share Image
The right honourable gentleman is reminiscent of a poker. The only difference is that a poker gives off the occasional signs of… — Benjamin Disraeli Copy Share Image
Nature gives you the face you have at twenty, but its up to you to merit the face you have at fifty. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Today, after my boyfriend broke up with me, the only thing positive about my day was a pregnancy test. FML — Sheryne Brooks Copy Share Image
For years, Blockbuster Video has edited movies. Like The Bad Lieutenant, when he's masturbating while the girls in the car are doing… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Be strong. Live the gospel faithfully even if others around you don’t live it at all. — Jeffrey R. Holland Copy Share Image
You shouldn't get too close to the truth, because then maybe you stop being funny. — Bob Newhart Copy Share Image
In so far as we think, we are the all-one being that pervades everything. — Rudolf Steiner Copy Share Image
“Mama operated under the assumption that I was eight years old and incapable of feeding myself. It was physically impossible for her… — Molly Harper Copy Share Image
My wife alwayz complains that I dont take her anywhere expensive so I tuk her 2 de gas station — Meshack Kimaro Copy Share Image
Y'know, it's funny: I didn't think I'd be playing 'Hold The Line' at 60 years old. I was 19 when I first played that. — Steve Lukather Copy Share Image
The question many have in the region is how not to squander the wealth like they did in the 1970s. — Charles Salvador Copy Share Image
Deep down, I believed that I was supposed to win. And if I didn’t, it was because of ME. — Lashinda Demus Copy Share Image
Don't you wish people could be like money, so you could hold them up to the sun and see which ones are… — Kiara Sellars Copy Share Image
I thought it was really funny that half the people I autographed things for said, 'Autograph the back of my phone.' I… — Willow Shields Copy Share Image
I think people have a hard time dealing with a bunch of things at once. They can't have something be disturbing and… — Perfume Genius Copy Share Image
I was funny in a way that was not dissing the teacher; I was funny just to be funny. A real charmer… — Jason Mantzoukas Copy Share Image
She needs open-heart surgery, and they should go in through her feet. — Julie Andrews Copy Share Image
“You have better luck than you think you do,” Cian said firmly. Turning back toward him, she said, “Yeah? Prove it?” You… — Rhiannon Frater Copy Share Image
If it looks like a frog, hops like a frog & croaks like a frog. I don't care how many times you… — Kiki Strack Copy Share Image
The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. — Lucille Ball Copy Share Image
