Funny Quotes · Page 68

One who never asks either knows everything or nothing.

— Malcolm Forbes

When you marry your mistress, you create a job vacancy.

— James Goldsmith

It's funny what a few no-hitters do for a body.

— Satchel Paige

The universe really is motion & nothing else.

— Socrates

Washington is no place in which to carry out inventions

— Alexander Graham Bell

He who has wealth has friends.

— Chanakya

Driving is the only thing I love about F1.

— Kimi Raikkonen

I have to be funny because being hot is not an option.

— Celeste Hartman

If I don't have an erection when I'm doing a drawing, I know it's no good.

— Tom of Finland

Don't cry because it's over. Smile & laugh because his new girlfriend looks like a horse :D

— Anonymous

I feel that life is short, so we should be disciplined, but at the same time we should have a good time.

— Wyclef Jean

I grew up with interesting and funny people. We made our own fun. You had to use your imagination.

— James Acaster

If you really love something, you have to know how to let go.

— Kim Tae-yeon

Remember, in China when you are one in a million, there are 1,300 other people just like you.

— Thomas Friedman

Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that's awesome.

— John Mulaney

He defends me, loves me and helps me…If only the people in my life was as loyal as my dog.

— Anonymous

The casting-couch routine has been going on for ages, from top directors to the lowliest agents. I had to attend a meeting…

— Mariette Hartley

Baccarat is a game whereby the croupier gathers in money with a flexible sculling oar, then rakes it home. If I could…

— Mark Twain

My father likes the oldies station, I wonder when I'm over 50 if the oldies station will play Lil Jon & the…

— Devin Sanchez

I always feel the most validated and confident being around people that I find funny - having Fred Armisen laugh at a…

— Cecily Strong

Dear Crush, don't be scared if a fat guy in a red suit snatches you away on Christmas Eve. Sincerely, You Were…

— Anonymous

“How about a rain check?' She smiles, but I know it's not real because it doesn't crinkle her eyes. 'Sure. Some other…

— Anna Banks

I like shows where the female characters are as funny as the male characters, not just commenting on how funny the male…

— Graham Linehan

According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front…

— Robert De Niro

Women and their periods... It's such an ovary action...

— Green Monk

Each project changes you a bit.

— Kit Harington

I have struggled to make a place in this industry

— Kailash Kher

All the live murmur of a summer's day.

— Matthew Arnold

“Let us go forth and unconquer the world!”

— Tom Althouse

Showing up is 80 percent of life.

— Woody Allen

“I think Psychopaths wear lipstick too,' says Joyce.”

— Richard Osman

To live is to be willing to die over and over again.

— Pema Chodron

Homework: Because 7 hours of school wasn't enough...

— Anonymous

Happiness is a road traveled, not a destination.

— Mike Dirnt

Beware of reasoning about God's Word - obey It.

— Oswald Chambers

You're always you, with your own insecurities.

— Michelle Chamuel

Love what you do...Don't settle

— Steve Jobs

All anyone is to anyone is a series of days.

— Charles Yu

My lifes a wreck, and I love it.

— Bo Bice

In the denial of disorder there is order.

— Jiddu Krishnamurti