Funny Quotes · Page 66

When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you're rich. If your name is on your desk, you're…

— Rich Hall

“I had a dream about you last night. The champagne was non-alcoholic. You didn't notice, and laughed at my jokes anyway.”

— Michael Summers

“I rolled my eyes, trying to keep my eyes off his body, just the sight of his abs or arms was enough…

— Holly Hood

It's funny, but I never knew I was hot or could be beautiful until I saw 'Basic Instinct,' and I was so…

— Sharon Stone

Freedom is completely without meaning unless it is related to necessity, unless it represents victory over necessity.

— Jacques Ellul

“I beg your pardon; I am drunk without a drink. English wine & words are vulnerable to every man.”

— Santosh Kalwar

I have flown twice over Mount St. Helens out on our West Coast. I'm not a scientist and I don't know the…

— Ronald Reagan

We will make it so that a Democrat cannot govern as a Democrat.

— Grover Norquist

If anything unfolds, it's supposed to

— John Frusciante

“But at the time I thought that if I could just get the world to see me the way I saw myself…

— Gabourey Sidibe

Try to find someone with a sense of humor. That's an important thing to have because when you get into an argument,…

— Ed Sheeran

How can I forgive you, if even your sorry was made in China

— Anonymous

The nations best kept secret is your true age. :D

— Megz

Hardly did I know when I met you That we are going to meet often

— Nikhil Saluja

My reality is my reality, and I stand within myself on my reality.

— Charles Manson

Learn how to rest while you're awake

— Sandra McCracken

“I’d even had business cards made up reading, ABIGAIL COOPER, P.I. with teeny-weeny little letters underneath in parentheses spelling out PSYCHIC INTUITIVE.…

— Victoria Laurie

Style is not something applied. It is something that permeates.

— Wallace Stevens

I know no diplomacy save that of truth.

— Mahatma Gandhi

Without him here, it is impossible to know how fast he will play it, approximately.

— Eugene Ormandy

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

— Mark Twain

For things to change for you, you've got to change!

— Jim Rohn

I am fascinated by real people who are really funny.

— Peter Kay

Funny how we prioritize people and they put us on their waiting list.

— Anonymous

Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?

— Steven Wright

I thought about all the people that told me I couldn't do it and told me I couldn't get there.

— Russell Wilson

Endangered Species: Girls with gentle attitude ='P

— Kand3n

Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

— Obviously Me :p

I'm tall and thin but not strong, so you're either an athlete or you're funny.

— Keegan-Michael Key

What's lightly hid is deepest understood,

— Richard Wilbur

I'd rather try and cram in another two gags than leave a pause to say, 'Hey, wasn't that bit funny?'

— Edgar Wright

If all woman in the world died today, human race would no longer possess the secret of how to properly wrap a…

— Nikhil Saluja

Stronger women build stronger nations.

— Zainab Salbi

Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.

— Georg C. Lichtenberg

The awkward moment when you're pretending you're talking to someone on the phone and then it rings.

— Brandon Samuel

Funny people come from all over. I think Michigan has dark humor on lock, though. Michigan, to me, is equal parts beautiful…

— Paul Walter Hauser

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

— Anonymous

It's hard to keep on being civil when they ask you such annoying questions.

— Olivia de Havilland

“It was a fabulous outfit, but it was so urban-fantasy book cover.”

— Chloe Neill

Why do they rate a movie R for adult language? The only people I hear using that language are teenagers.

— Anonymous